Category: self-help skills

INTERPERSONAL FOCUSING: THE CREATIVE EDGE OF CONFLICT

By , February 11, 2008 5:15 pm

Honoring “Subjectivity”: “This flower is beautiful TO ME”
 
We tend to use pseudo- objectivity, pseudo-factualism, pseudo-logic to assert our view of the world over others, to “win” arguments:  “Mine is the only, the right, the correct way of seeing. The way I see it is ‘the facts.'” This way of communicating either crushes The Other or makes them defensive. It does not encourage person-to-person communication and problem resolution.
 
Rollo May, a founder of the existentialist tradition in psychology and philosophy (May, R., Angel, E., and Ellenberger, H.F., Eds., Existence, p.63) states:
 
“Suzuki has remarked that in Eastern languages, such as Japanese, adjectives always include the implication of ‘for-me-ness.’ That is to say, ‘this flower is beautiful’ means ‘for me this flower is beautiful.'”
 
Self-Reflection Instead of Reaction: “Owning” Instead of “Blaming”
 
“You are a f_____b_____!” (to me)
“It’s not fair!” (from my point of view)
“You are hurting me!” (Something in me says “You are hurting me!”)
“I want to tear your eyes out!” (Something in me wants to tear your eyes out!)
“I am deeply offended by what you have done” (Being the kind of person I am, I am deeply offended by what you have done)
 
Just these little steps of self-ownership begin to locate our reactions to other people inside of ourselves, to turn them into “felt senses,” “intuitive feels” that we can work with in a Focusing way: “What is all of this TO ME?”  “What is the feel of this interaction from the inside?”  “How is it that this grabs me?” We can begin to become self-reflective rather than purely reactive, completely “controlled” by the other person and our situations.
 
Similarly , as a Focused Listener in an Interpersonal Focusing process, we can help the Focuser, the Speaker to “disidentify” from their projections upon The Other and to turn their attention, in an Intuitive Focusing way, toward the “feel of this interaction FOR ME,” the “felt sense” of how this situation is FOR ME.
 
The Focuser, the Speaker says “He did it on purpose. He is trying to control me!” The Listening Facilitator can reflect, “Something in you is saying, ‘He did it on purpose. He is trying to control me!’ Can you sense how that feels inside?” Or “Just say ‘Hello’ to that part of yourself.” Or “So the way you see it, he is doing it on purpose — Can you stop and sense into how that is for you?”
 
 “Dis-identifying” From Our Reaction To The Other
 
Ann Weiser Cornell has eloquently defined the importance of “dis-identifying” ourselves from the many different “parts” or “aspects” of our felt-experiencing. In her model, as we stand in a neutral position of Presence, not identified with any of the warring inner “parties,” we are able to acknowledge, to say “Hello” to, to make space for each of these. And, as we do, we can become aware of the “intuitive feel,” the “bodily-felt sense,” The Creative Edge of deeper meaning called forth by each.
 
Similarly, we can use “dis-identification” in separating ourselves from our reactions to other people, finding the “felt sense” within ourselves of an interpersonal situation.
 
Self-Empowerment and Hope For Communication
 
This step from reactivity to self-reflection empowers us. Instead of being “hooked,” a puppet on the strings of our triggers, we regain the power to change our interpersonal situations: “What is this all about FOR ME?”
 
Does this mean other people can’t hurt you, can’t be doing something to hurt you or make you angry? No it does not. It is possible for people to hurt each other, for someone to act in such a way as to hurt or humiliate another person. However, even if this is somewhat the case, screaming with blame “You are_____! You did____!” is not going to reach the other person, allow you to communicate. Even if you are sure you are “in the right,” the best way to communicate with the other is from the position of “owning”: “Because of the kind of person I am, I saw you as trying to control me — I’d like to explore that feeling in me and share with you in that way.”
 
A favorite image: Two cats, their hackles up, caught on the brink of attack, each totally “hooked in” to reactivity toward the other. Instead of attacking, one lies down on its back, bares its throat to the other, a posture of peace-making. The other is then allowed to relax, and confrontation is avoided.
 
So, by beginning to look inside of ourselves for the wider “felt sensing,” the “intuitive feel” of our interactions with others, we become equipped with a tool that is not just self-empowering but has the capacity for peacemaking.
 
Throughout the month, we will explore a variety of methods for finding the “felt sense” in the midst of interpersonal situations and using it effectively, for self-empowering “felt shifts” as well as conflict-resolving communication.

Try out the first Interpersonal Focusing exercise: Felt Sense of Interpersonal Situations in our e-newsletter archive.

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

EMPOWERMENT ORGANIZATION: MOTIVATING FROM THE BOTTOM UP

By , February 10, 2008 2:27 pm

 Motivation = Engagement : Apathy Is The Enemy!

You are charged with finding that “one small thing” which will get every employee or volunteer or citizen fully engaged in your larger projects. No apathy allowed in a Creative Edge Organization!

You want to become alert to noticing apathy, people at any level who are not caring, not involved, and then work at involvement. You want every person actively involved at The Creative Edge, the lively, creative, energized “intuitive feel” of being a living, thinking, involved  Co-Creator or Collaborator.

Finding “One Small Thing”

In the ongoing life of your Creative Edge community or organization, the weekly exchange of Listening/Focusing turns in Focusing Partnerships and  Focusing Groups or Teams will keep individuals involved at their own personal, unique Creative Edge. However, in addition, or perhaps first or independently, you can use the “One Small Thing” method to find one over-arching project that will get everyone involved.

You want to find “One Small Thing” that every person in the community or organization can become involved in with minimal effort but maximum sense of satisfaction in contributing something to the larger mission.  If the first step of involvement is too big, too difficult, then most people won’t be willing to do it.

So, you have to keep looking until you find something so small that everyone can do it, easily, willingly, yet so important that it will feel like a real contribution, a first step of commitment to the larger cause. Then, you can invite these involved, engaged people into further Collaborative Decision Making about the project.

If your “One Small Thing” project is not having the desired effect, then the step is too big, requires too much motivation or commitment. If that is the case, then you need to look for a smaller step until you find the one that works.

Intuitive Focusing on “What is the One Small Thing?”

Your Turn

So, let’s use the Intuitive Focusing skill to find the “one small thing” to engage and motivate your target audience, be it consumers, citizens, volunteers, or employees. This could be the most important decision you make, so, one small session may not be enough, but it will start you thinking about Creative Edge engagement. It will put the pot on the burner so that creative insights can arise now or later. Try out the One Small Thing Focusing Exercise here

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

COMPLETE FOCUSING SESSION: “HOW AM I TODAY?” WITH INNER NURTURING

By , February 4, 2008 1:07 pm

HEALING YOUR ALONENESS THROUGH INNER NURTURING

Caring Feeling Presence Inside

This four weeks, while practicing a Complete Focusing Session, we are learning about turning a Caring Feeling Presence, the Focusing Attitude of friendly, curious, non-judgmental, gentle attention to whatever arises inside. We practiced finding Inner Nurturers and Inner Woundedness (Week 1), Reestablishing Trust With Exiled, “Unpleasant” Inner Aspects (Week 2)Dealing With Critical Voices and Conflicts (Week 3), and now, Healing Your Aloneness Through Inner Nurturing (Week 4).

Developing Strong Images-With-Felt-Senses of Your “Inner Nurturer” Self

As I said in Week 4 Healing Your Aloneness e-newsletter above, almost everyone can find their own Inner Nurturing Self, the part of them that knows how to reach out to someone else who is scared or in pain or hurting or ashamed or embarassed….all the things our Inner Woundedness might be experiencing. The trick to practice is recognizing and turning this Inner Nurturing Awareness, this Caring Feeling Presence, toward whatever we find inside.Try the Complete Focusing Session below again, with special attention to the actual bodily-feel, the felt sense, that goes with turning caring inner attention toward whatever comes inside, as you would in embracing that abandoned child of the hospital steps and communicating, “You are totally OK. You are wanted in this world. You are deserving of loving attention. I will help to make you safe.”

COMPLETE FOCUSING SESSION: “HOW AM I TODAY?”

In Intuitive Focusing, first, you relax and find a felt sense, an “intuitive feel” that is before words and more than words. Then, you go back and forth between open-ended questions (“Why is this hard for me?”, “What’s the meaning for me?”, “How is this related to that other decision?”) and the “intuitive feel,” looking for words or images that exactly capture “the feel of the whole thing,” until you find a sense of resolution, of knowing the meaning.

 

At this moment of “Ahah!” you are experiencing a “felt shift,” a Paradigm shift. The kaleidoscope turns, and the whole situation is new. New ideas, emotions, and action steps suddenly become possible.

 

Be Gentle With Yourself

At all times, please remember the Focusing Attitude, the Caring Feeling Presence inside which we are also practicing these four weeks! Having a Caring Feeling attitude toward whatever arises inside is the best insurance for a wonderful quiet time with your own inner experiencing.

Try these long instructions only as long as you feel comfortable. Don’t be judgmental of yourself if nothing huge seems to be happening. It can take a long time to learn to recognize a felt sense, the “intuitive feel,” amidst all of the other things going on inside of your body (thoughts, images, muscular sensations, etc.).

 

If any tears arise during Intuitive Focusing, let them come.  Be very gentle and curious with the place the tears come from, asking “What are these tears all about?”, “Why does this move me?”, “What’s the meaning of these tears?”

There are many different “protocols” for Complete Focusing Sessions.For this four weeks, we are practicing:

     1. “How am I today?”-Allow 20-30 minutes (click the link to find the e-newsletter with full Focusing exercise)

BOOKS AIDING HEALING YOUR INNER ALONENESS, INNER CHILD

When using exercises from any of these books, be sure to take the extra step of “sitting with” the “felt sense,” the “intuitive feel” that comes with images, and using Focusing to go deeper in a non-linear way. Going from image to image, in a linear way, is not the same as letting the “intuitive feel” of an image arise, and using Focusing to find the something new, the something “more than words” that can come from the “felt sense”:

Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul and Erika J. Chopich 

 Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child (Paperback)by John Bradshaw 
  
BioSpirituality: Focusing As a Way to Grow by Peter A. Campbell and Edwin M. McMahon

Download Dr. McGuire’s article Focusing Inner Child Work With Abused Clients

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

FOCUSING: HEALING YOUR ALONENESS THROUGH INNER NURTURING

By , February 1, 2008 6:26 pm

“I Can’t Fix Myself! It’s too late! My parents should have done it! I don’t have an Inner Nurturer!”

For this four weeks, we are working on perhaps the most essential aspect for successful Intuitive Focusing, creating a positive attitude, inside of yourself, for whatever might arise during a Focusing turn.This is The Focusing Attitude.

In Week One, I talked about turning a Caring Feeling Presence toward your inner experiencing, finding an Inner Nurturer and an Inner Woundedness.

In Week Two, I talked about establishing an inner, trusting relationship between “parts” of the Self that had perhaps been at war for years and didn’t really like each other.

In Week Three, I talked about dealing with the Inner Abuser, Inner Critics, and Inner Conflicts.

Now, we take on a common “Inner Child Focusing” problem. As Focused Listener or Focusing-Oriented Therapist, I might say, when a Focuser is sobbing with shame, emptiness, being unlovable, having a hole inside of themselves, “Can you find a way that your Inner Nurturer can comfort, can put her arms around that unloved part and let her know she is okay, she is loveable?” 

And the Focuser might say, “I don’t have an Inner Nurturer!!!” or “I can’t fix that! It’s too late. It needed to happen when I was a child, come from my parents.” Or “I don’t have a lover or a spouse, someone who can hold me so I can feel better.”

Everyone Has An Inner Nurturer, and Healing Can Begin NOW

If this were true, then people really would be trapped. There would be no way they could heal their own aloneness, their own emptiness. However, this really isn’t true. Almost all of us (and those who really can’t need the help of an external Nurturing Therapist until they can incorporate this outer presence inside of themselves) can find a “part” of ourself that knows how to love someone else, knows how to be a friend, would know what to do if confronted by an actual sobbing child or wounded animal, for many of us, a part that is a wonderful counselor/therapist/guide for many other people!!!

And it is perfectly possible, once you find images for these nurturing parts of yourself and “sense into” the whole bodily-felt sense, the “intuitive feel” of how these parts of yourself offer Caring Feeling Presence to others, then you CAN turn this inner nurturing attention toward the wounded, empty, hurting parts of yourself and heal them NOW, hold them NOW, tell them NOW that they are perfectly loveable and acceptable and wanted and deserving.

And this is a most hopeful possibility, a way of healing your own inner aloneness, your own emptiness, your own “unworthiness” without a desperate and, usually unsuccesful, search for some “outer lover” to do this for you. Try The Caring Feeling Exercise Again With Special Attention To Believing That You Can Heal Your Own Inner Aloneness, To Finding Some Representation of Your Own Inner Nurturer

BOOKS AIDING HEALING YOUR INNER ALONENESS, INNER CHILD

 When using exercises from any of these books, be sure to take the extra step of “sitting with” the “felt sense,” the “intuitive feel” that comes with images, and using Focusing to go deeper in a non-linear way. Going from image to image, in a linear way, is not the same as letting the “intuitive feel” of an image arise, and using Focusing to find the something new, the something “more than words” that can come from the “felt sense”: Healing Your Aloneness: Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child by Margaret Paul and Erika J. Chopich  Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child (Paperback)by John Bradshaw 
  
BioSpirituality: Focusing As a Way to Grow by Peter A. Campbell and Edwin M. McMahon

Download Dr. McGuire’s article Focusing Inner Child Work With Abused Clients

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

COORDINATED COLLABORATION: THE BEST OF HIERARCHICAL AND CONSENSUAL METHODS OF DECISION MAKING

By , January 31, 2008 6:02 pm

COLLABORATION WITHIN HIERARCHICAL SITUATIONS

Here is how I introduce these topics in my article explaining the Collaborative Edge Decision Making method (Metodo de Toma de Decisiones del Borde de Colaboracion ) and, particularly, the Coordinated Collaboration component for allowing collaborative decision making within time-limited and hierarchical settings:

“COMBINING HIERARCHY AND COLLABORATION

     Hierarchical and collaborative models of decision making both have strengths and weaknesses. Hierarchical models can breed apathy and alienation, and the absenteeism, low productivity, and carelessness which can result. Collaborative models can lead to an inability to reach conclusions and to carry out effective action and can degenerate into power struggles over leadership. The Collaborative Edge Decision Making Method combines the benefits of both collaboration and hierarchy:

1. Benefits of Collaboration

     Collaboration, where people work together as equal colleagues toward a common goal, has the following benefits compared to strict, hierarchical, top-down decision making:

(a)    The equal hearing of every viewpoint and the contribution of each person’s unique expert knowledge can  lead to  win/win decisions which are more inclusive and creative;

(b)    Egalitarian expression of disagreement can address weaknesses, producing decisions that are objectively higher in quality;

(c)    When participants have a say in decisions affecting them, even when they do not get all of what they want, they experience greater “ownership” of decisions and become more willing and motivated to carry the decisions out;

(d)   Working together toward a common goal also produces feelings of friendship and collegiality which lead to greater enjoyment in working together and greater commitment to the group and the organization itself.

2. Benefits of Hierarchy

     In most business settings, clear, hierarchical lines of authority and responsibility insure that:

(a)    Decisions can be made within prescribed time limits;

(b)    Specialized expertise of individuals can be utilized effectively;

(c)    An overview of the entire organization’s objectives and projects can be developed by executives, in communication with any advisory Boards and shareholders. This overview can be communicated to managers, who can organize the efforts of work groups toward accomplishing these over-all objectives.

(d)    “The buck stops here.” Clear lines of responsibility, and the accompanying power and authority needed to take responsibility, are established.

3. Coordinated Collaboration Component

      In pure consensual decision making, a decision is not made until everyone in the group feels able to go along with it. At the very least, dissenting group members have to be willing to say, “I’m not willing to participate in the project that way, but it’s okay with me if you three want to carry it out, “or, “I think there’s a better way to be found, but I’m willing to go along as long as we review the outcome in a month” or some such qualified assent.

     If someone is not able to agree in any way, it is assumed that the decision is flawed, some piece of information needed for problem-solving is missing, or not yet articulated, and the group will benefit from spending more time sitting with the decision until an acceptable solution arises. Committees can be formed to gather more information, and group members can spend time individually or in pairs using Intuitive Focusing to look for innovative solutions.

     However, in many situations within an organization, decisions have to be made on a timetable and passed along to other collaborative teams or up the hierarchy. Using the Coordinated Collaboration approach of the Collaborative Edge Decision Making method, a Coordinator or Project Manager can set time limits for Collaborative Decision Making and be empowered to make final decisions when the time limits are up and take these to other levels.  Coordinated Collaboration allows the benefits of collaboration within the time limits and structured responsibility of hierarchical organization, capitalizing upon the best of both models.”

Actual Steps of Coordinated Collaboration Procedure

Read on to discover the actual steps of the Coordinated Collaboration procedure.

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

SESION DE FOCUSING COMPLETA

By , January 29, 2008 5:28 pm

SESION DE FOCUSING COMPLETA  ¿Cómo estoy hoy día?Dra. Kathy McGuire, Directora

Semana Uno

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TENER UN CAMBIO DE PARADIGMA: SESION DE FOCUSING COMPLETA

INSTRUCCIONES

Proceso de Focusing de Seis Pasos de Gendlin: PRISMAS/S de McGuire.

En el Focusing Intuitivo, Ud. primero se relaja y encuentra una sensación sentida, un “sentir intuitivo” que es antes que las palabras y más que las palabras.  Luego, Ud. va y viene entre las preguntas abiertas (¿Por qué esto es tan difícil para mí?, ¿Qué significa para mí?, ¿Cómo se relaciona esto con la otra decisión?) y el “sentir intuitivo”, buscando palabras o imágenes que capturen exactamente “el sentir de toda la cosa”, hasta que Ud. encuentre una sensación de resolución, de saber el significado.

En este momento “¡Ajá!” , Ud. está experienciando un “cambio sentido”, un cambio de Paradigma.

El kaleidoscopio vira y la situación completa es nueva, de pronto, nuevas ideas, emociones y pasos de acción se vuelven posibles.

Eugenio Gendlin (Focusing, 1981, 1984) fue el primero en describir Focusing como una serie de pasos los cuales podían ser practicados como auto-ayuda, un método para solucionar problemas.

También puede revisar el Proceso Prismas/s de Solución de Problemas que es la versión de la Dra. McGuire de los pasos que conducen desde tomar una Pausa hasta Cambios de Paradigma.

Más adelante puede Ud. encontrar instrucciones  para seguir el proceso de Focusing Intuitivo completo. Si Ud. adquiere el paquete de Auto-ayuda de Focusing de Borde CreativoTM (por el momento sólo disponible en inglés)

Ud. puede escuchar el audio en el CD con las Instrucciones de Focusing, Disco 2, pista# 1, Relajación, luego Focalización Focusing)

FIND “SESION DE FOCUSING COMPLETA” IN FILE DOWNLOAD ABOVE

Agnes Rodriguez, translator, Focusing Instruction en espanol

Articles en espanol , scroll to the bottom

Focusing en Comunidad : Como Empezar Un Grupo De Apoyo De Escucha Y Focusing, manual

COMPLETE FOCUSING SESSION: “HOW AM I TODAY?” — NOTICING CRITICS AND CONFLICTS INSIDE

By , January 26, 2008 5:21 pm

Caring Feeling Presence Inside
 
This four weeks, while practicing a Complete Focusing Session, we are learning about turning a Caring Feeling Presence, the Focusing Attitude of friendly, curious, non-judgmental, gentle attention to whatever arises inside. We practiced finding Inner Nurturers and Inner Woundedness (Week 1), Reestablishing Trust With Exiled, “Unpleasant” Inner Aspects (Week 2), and Dealing With Critical Voices and Conflicts (Week 3).
 
Just Acknowledge Critical Voices, Say “I’ll be back later to spend time with you”
 
Today, when you practice the Complete Focusing Session #1: “How Am I Today?”, pay special attention to any Critical Voices which arise. In general, seeing a Critical Voice as an Inner Worrier or Inner Protector, you can simply notice it :” Okay, there is something saying ‘You’re no good at this; nothing is happening; Focusing is stupid” and, simply by noticing it, acknowledging it (saying “Hello,” Ann Weiser Cornell says), you can often just set it aside for the moment and go back to your steps of Focusing.
 
At a later point, you might go back to that Critical Voice as part of your Focusing process: “Okay, now I would like to spend some time with the part that says “This is ridiculous; you are failing like always,” etc., and ask yourself, “Okay, what is that all about?”, and wait for the “feel of that whole thing” to form, and continue with the Focusing Steps:looking for words, images, symbols that capture the “intuitive feel,” resonating and checking until you find symbols that are “just right” and experience a release, a small or large “felt shift” or “paradigm shift.”
 
Articulate “Conflicts” Into “Two Sides” and Spend Time With Each….(Read on here and find the Complete Focusing Instructions to practice )

Download Dr. McGuire’s article, Focusing Inner Child Work

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

FOCUSING: Dealing With Inner Critics, Inner Abusers

By , January 25, 2008 6:42 pm

DIFFERENT FORMS OF INNER CRITICAL VOICES AND DIFFERENT APPROACHES TO THEM
 
For this four weeks, we are working on perhaps the most essential aspect for successful Intuitive Focusing, creating a positive attitude, inside of yourself, for whatever might arise during a Focusing turn.This is The Focusing Attitude.In Week One, I talked about turning a Caring Feeling Presence toward your inner experiencing, finding an Inner Nurturer and an Inner Woundedness. In Week Two, I talked about establishing an inner, trusting relationship between “parts” of the Self that had perhaps been at war for years and didn’t really like each other.
 
Now, we take on Inner Critical Voices: recognizing them and dealing with them.  These, too, will each have an “intuitive feel” to them, a “felt sense” holding a lot more information, if you can take time to separate out the various aspects and “sit with” the “intuitive feel,” the “felt sense,” the “something more” about each of them.
 
The Inner Abusive Relationship: “I Hate Myself, I’m So Stupid, I’m So Worthless”
 
Actually, we are going to start with the most difficult Inner Critical Voice, and that is the one you don’t recognize and you don’t have a “felt sense” for. When you are having the most negative feelings about yourself, you are actually suffering as the Victim of an Inner Abuser…only, instead of hearing the Inner Abuser saying, “You are hateful! You are so stupid! You are so worthless!,” you are saying these words to yourself: “I am hateful, I am so stupid, I am so worthless.”
 
So, here the first step is just separating out these two things. You need to begin to hear the voice of the Inner Abuser saying”You are so…!” and, separately, experience the “felt sense” of your Inner Victim —  feeling afraid, beaten down, overpowered, overwhelmed. And, then, the Inner Victim, with the help of Inner and Outer Listeners/Nurturers/Anchors, needs to be able to stand up to the Inner Abuser and say, sometimes very strongly, “Shut up!”, “Go sit over there!” “I’m putting you behind this brick wall and locking the gate!” Or the Inner Nurturer can join with the Inner Victim and stand together, saying, “We are not going to let this go on!” or “I am not going to let you talk to her that way.”Read the rest of the Focusing approach to Inner Abusers and Inner Critics

Download Dr. McGuire’s article, Focusing Inner Child Work

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

COLLABORATIVE DECISION MAKING MEETINGS

By , January 24, 2008 5:27 pm

CARING FEELING PRESENCE” AT WORK
 
As our “Felt Sensing” exercise these four weeks we are practicing turning a Caring Feeling Presence toward whatever arises inside during our Focusing and toward the Focuser when we are the Empathic (or Focused) Listener. What about turning a Caring Feeling Presence toward our co-workers at work?
 
Hmmm…do you have a reaction to seeing these words in the same line? Are “work” and “caring” incompatible?
 
Once I told my Business Professor husband that I was going to market what I teach to business people and that I was going to call it “Compassionate Awareness.”  He shuddered: “Awareness, yes. Compassinate? No. Compassionate people do not make good competitors. Compassion is exposing weakness. Business people do not want this.” And, in trying to “market” Listening/Focusing to business, I have changed the name from Empathic (who in the workplace wants empathy!) Listening to Focused Listening.
 
However, now, because of changes in the business world demanding skills at team work and collaboration, my husband teaches the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (recognizing differing “gifts,” differing personality and leadership styles) and Listening and other conflict resolution skills to students working in groups in almost every class, on almost every project. He even has a procedure whereby team members can get “a divorce” from a non-participating member!
 
When the newly elected President of Chile was asked, “What are you going to do for Chile?” by a Newsweek reporter, she replied, “I’m going to create love.”
 
In a recent edition of Consumer Reports on Health (Vol.20, No.2, Feb., 2008), the heading reads: Find Friends At Work:
 
“A study published in the American Journal of Public Health analyzed survey data of some 24,000 men and women and found a strong link between social support at work and overall emotional health. People who said they had few close friends at work were two to three times more likely to report depression than those with strong social ties. Other research has shown that good relations on the job can spill over to a happy home life too. So, if your cubicle enighbor invites you to lunch, say yes.”
 
You can find more quotes and statistics about the negative impact of interpersonal conflict in the workplace in the sidebar at Creative Edge Focusing.
 
Aggressiveness, competitiveness, one-up-manship, gossiping, back-stabbing: these are all negative emotions brought up in a workplace based upon competition.

Cooperation, mutual help, warmth, care, friendship, backpatting: these are positive emotions brought about when collaboration, not competition, is the norm.
 
Sound too “touchy-feely” for the workplace? Remember what it feels like to turn a Caring Feeling Presence, instead of a judgmental, critical attitude, toward your own vulnerable inner places. Now, imagine being greeted with this same Focusing Attitude, this same treasuring of difference, vulnerability, neediness at work. Not such a bad goal to strive for! And Collaborative Edge Decision Making Methods take a step in this direction. The direct goal: the most creative, innovative decisions imaginable, with the motivation to carry them out. The by -product: feelings of warmth, collegiality, empathy, and mutual support among co-workers. Read all about how collaboration instead of competition builds positive feelings in the workplace and find the “How To’s” for Collaborative Decision Making Meetings in our e-newsletter archive.

Download Dr. McGuire’s article, “Collaborative Edge Decision Making with bonus group handouts in the Appendix.

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening  at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire in the Store.

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way. 

COMPLETE FOCUSING SESSION: GETTING HELP LEARNING FOCUSING

By , January 19, 2008 1:57 pm

For a listing of Self-help manuals, CDs, and DVDs by a variety of Certified Focusing Professionals helping you learn Focusing, and a listing of links to Focusing Teachers worldwide offering classes and workshops, by phone and locally, including a Level One Introductory Focusing Teleclass beginning tomorrow, Sunday, Jan.20, please click the link here to Creative Edge e-newsletter archive, sent out yesterday.

 You’ll find all kinds of immediate help, as well as another chance to try out the Complete Focusing Session: “How Am I Today?”

Read Dr. McGuire’s article, “Focusing Inner Child Work”.

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening  at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire in the Store.

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

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