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By Kathy McGuire, January 17, 2008 1:25 pm

THE FOCUSING ATTITUDE: CREATING A CARING FEELING PRESENCE INSIDE AND AS A FOCUSED LISTENER
 
For this four weeks, we are working on perhaps the most essential aspect for successful Intuitive Focusing, creating a positive attitude, inside of yourself, for whatever might arise during a Focusing turn.This is The Focusing Attitude.
 
Empathy, Congruence, and Unconditional Positive Regard
 
It is also the essential attitude which you convey to a Focuser when you are being a Focused Listener:
“I am here for you, without judgment. I am happy to receive anything that comes up inside of you, without criticism. I will set aside my own reactions, judgments, own experiences and be here as a Caring Feeling Presence simply to listen to and to give back to you your own experiencing.” It is a necessary component of the “empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard” which Carl Rogers defined as the crux ingredients for the healing relationship.
 
Caring for “Unpleasant” Parts of Ourselves
 
In the first part of the Caring Feeling Presence exercise below, you are asked to imagine picking up an abandoned infant and conveying to it, through your body, that it is totally wanted and safe in the world. That is a “relatively” easy task!
 
But the parts or aspects or “images” of ourselves that most need our own Caring inner attention are often parts that we have most wanted or needed to ignore, push down, turn away from, often feeling that leaving these parts behind is really the only way to survive. So, now, to turn toward and embrace these very aspects of the Self? Very difficult, a life-long task.
 
Unpleasant Images for Abandoned Parts
 
Here are some images people have given for their wounded part:
 
“A gangraneous leg — I just want to cut it off.”
“The Golum — it has been underground so long that it is white and totally blind, cannot survive in the light.”
“That fat, little crying girl from childhood — Ughhhh!”
“Quicksand, waiting to suck me down!”
“A dark well of pain without bottom—”
 
Using Touchstones and Anchors to Establish a “Safe Distance”
 
Initially, you may need to establish some “safe distance” from it, some firm ground where you can “take a whiff” of it without getting sucked in, stick a toe in the water and quickly step back to the shore. The Inner Anchors in the second part of the exercise, be they pleasant places, remembered nurturers, fantasy warriors or guides, can serve this purpose as safe harbors, touchstones to return to when beginning to approach an old, sore, long-ignored, negatively judged inner aspect or felt sense.
 
Being Willing To Take Time To Establish Contact, Healing Relationship
 
And the feeling is mutual! Left alone, pushed out, uncared for for many years, the wounded part is not always immediately welcoming of your attention now:
 
“A dirty, little girl and she is screaming ‘Get away from me!’
“A porcupine — all quills, waiting to shoot them at me.”
“A wounded dog —biting my hand!”
 
Gene Gendlin, creator of Focusing (Bantam, 1981, 1984) used to say in these tenuous inner moments: “Can you just pitch a tent and settle down nearby, letting it know you will just hang out there, as long as it needs to feel comfortable with you?”
 
Try The Exercise Again With Special Attention To Negative Images, Inner Anchors, and Taking Time To Re-Establish Mutual Trust
 
Please try out again Pete and Ed’s introductory Biospiritual Focusing exercise for finding a “felt sense,” an “intuitive feel” for developing Caring Feeling Relationship inside. It involves learning how it feels, in your body, when you are trying to show complete love and safety to someone. Then, turning that same loving attention, that Caring Feeling Presence, toward your own inner experiences:

Find the Caring Feeling Presence exercise at this Creative Edge Focusing e-newsletter archive link

Read Dr. McGuire’s article, “Focusing Inner Child Work”.

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening  at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire in the Store.

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

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By Kathy McGuire, January 16, 2008 11:59 pm

Instant “Ahah!”s #5:  Collaborative Decision Making

Free Downloads:

Complete Focusing Instructions Manual (17 pages)

“Ajas” Instantaneos Mini-Manual

SHARING LEADERSHIP AND IMPASSE RESOLUTION
 
From Dr. McGuire’s article, “Collaborative Edge Decision Making“:
 
“5. Shared Leadership Component at Decision Making Meetings

      Rather than depending upon the skill of a naturally talented chairperson, being held captive by the caprice of a bad one, or suffering from the chaos and anarchy of “the leaderless group,” in the Collaborative Edge Decision Making method , the skill of leadership is broken down into a number of tasks which are then assigned to various group members. No one person carries the onus of staying on top of all aspects of the task, and all group members come to feel responsible for contributing to good group process.

     The five task roles can be rotated among group members from meeting to meeting, or, with group agreement, certain members can specialize in a particular task. In a more hierarchical setting, the supervisor or coordinator may take the role of agenda keeper each meeting. In a different group, a person too shy to be process monitor may be a very assertive time-keeper, and so on. However, in general, it is a good idea to keep rotating the roles in order to insure equality of ownership and responsibility.  As everyone shares the tasks involved in group leadership,  everyone will also take ownership of the group process and more actively participate in decision making.

6. Creative Edge Impasse Resolution Component

     According to the Creating At The Edge principles, the solutions to problems are implicit in the intuitive “feel of the whole thing,” the Creative Edge. Similarly, conflicts and arguments hold within them important information for decision making, accessed through the Creative Edge “intuitions” of the participants.

      Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening are the Core Skills for articulating innovative solutions from the Creative Edge.  So, when decision making breaks down at meetings, the way out of the impasse can be found through turning to a variety of approaches which use the Listening and Focusing skills and the Interpersonal Focusing method to facilitate the creation of new solutions, and Paradigm Shifts, out of the Creative Edge intuitions of participants.”

For a complete explanation of the theory behind access to The Creative Edge and innovative decision making, you can download Dr. McGuire’s comprehensive article, “Collaborative Edge Decision Making Method, ” . As a bonus, the Appendix of this article includes Handouts you can use at actual meetings, one for each role in Shared Leadership.
 
Reread the simple “How To’s For Groups” (Instant “Ahah!” #5 in Mini-Manual). They define the five roles in Shared Leadership and various Listening/Focusing methods for Impasse resolution. The “How To’s” arose from my dissertation research, Listening and Interruptions in Task-Oriented Groups, University of Chicago, 1977, with Eugene Gendlin, creator of Focusing (Focusing, Bantam, 1981, 1984) as advisor.
 
Over these four weeks, we are looking at incorporating the procedures into groups that you belong to:

 What are the plusses and minuses of these meetings?
 What is the “whole body feel” of being at these meetings?
 Do people interrupt each other?
 Are conflicts polarized and never changing?
 Do people feel free to share their negative feelings about a decision?
 Does a minority do all the talking?
 Is there a chance to pause to formulate a new but vague idea?
 Can you imagine asking the group to try out the Shared Leadership model in Instant “Ahah!” #5?
 Can you imagine incorporating Listening and Focusing skills into these meetings? What would the difference be?

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening  at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Creative Edge Focusing (www.cefocusing.com ) teaches two basic self-help skills, Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, which can be applied at home and at work through The Creative Edge Focusing Pyramid.

Based upon Gendlin’s Experiential Focusing (www.focusing.org ) and Rogers’ Empathic Listening, our website is packed with Free Resources and instructions in these basic self-help skills. Learn how to build Support Groups, Conscious Relationships, and Creative Edge Organizations based upon these basic skills of emotional intelligence.

You can try out “Focusing: Find Out What Is Bothering You.”

Click here to subscribe to Creative Edge Focusing(TM)’s  Instant “Ahah!” e-newsletter and get the latest exercises first!!! Today’s blog is part of the year-long e-course offered through the Instant “Ahah!” e-newsletter.

Click here for a free Intuitive Focusing Mini-Course

Click here for a free Focused Listening Mini-Course

 See Core Concept: Conflict Resolution to find a complete mini-course on Interpersonal Focusing and Conflict Resolution, including Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication, Blanchard’s “One Minute Apology,” Patricia Evan’s books on Verbally Abuse and Controlling Relationships, McMahon’s Beyond The Myth Of Dominance, and much more.

See Core Concept: Intimate Relationship to find a complete mini-course on increasing intimacy and sexuality, including the “Sharing Your Day” exercise, Listening/Focusing Partnerships for The Way of Relationship, untangling and equalizing desire, tantric sexuality, and much more.

Download complete Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, in English and Spanish, from CEF Website, or download from links at top of this blog.

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way.

Comments (2)

By Kathy McGuire, January 14, 2008 5:35 pm

Gendlin’s Six-Step Focusing Process: McGuire’s PRISMS/S
 
      In Intuitive Focusing, first, you relax and find a felt sense, an “intuitive feel” that is before words and more than words. Then, you go back and forth bween open-ended questions (“Why is this hard for me?”, “What’s the meaning for me?”, “How is this related to that other decision?”) and the “intuitive feel,” looking for words or images that exactly capture “the feel of the whole thing,”resolution, of knowing the meaning.
 
     At this moment of “Ahah!” you are experiencing a “felt shift,” a Paradigm shift. The kaleidoscope turns, and the whole situation is new. New ideas, emotions, and action steps suddenly become possible.
 
     Eugene Gendlin (Focusing, 1981, 1984) was the first to describe Focusing as a series of steps which could be practiced as a self-help, problem solving method. Please see Intuitive Focusing for a full explanation of Gendlin’s six-steps of the Focusing process.
 
     Also review the PRISMS/S Problem Solving Process for Dr. McGuire’s version of the steps leading from Pausing to Paradigm Shifts.
 
      Below is a set of instructions taking you through the complete Intuitive Focusing process.  If you purchase Creative Edge Focusing ™’s Self-help Package , you  can listen to audio CD Intuitive Focusing Instructions, Disc 2, Track 1: Relaxation, Then Focusing. Read Sample Chapter.
 
Be Gentle With Yourself
 
      At all times, please remember the Focusing Attitude, the Caring Feeling Presence inside which we are also practicing these four weeks! Having a Caring Feeling attitude toward whatever arises inside is the best insurance for a wonderful quiet time with your own inner experiencing.
 
      Try these long instructions only as long as you feel comfortable. Don’t be judgmental of yourself if nothing huge seems to be happening. It can take a long time to learn to recognize a felt sense, the “intuitive feel,” amidst all of the other things going on inside of your body (thoughts, images, muscular sensations, etc.). If you’ve recently joined this e-newsletter, later exercises will take you back to practicing separate steps of Focusing, like Relaxation, Clearing A Space, and Getting A Felt Sense. Impatient? You can check earlier e-newsletters about these exercises at the Creative Edge Focusing E-Newsletter Archives. And/or you can start at the beginning of Intuitive Focusing, Disc 1, and try each exercise in sequence.
 
     Don’t force yourself to stay quietly inside longer than is pleasurable for your. Remember, many people learn the basics of Intuitive Focusing and having “felt shifts,” or Paradigm Shifts better if they can be in interaction with a Listening partner. Start your own self-help group, using the Focusing In Community (Focusing en Comunidad) manual from the Self-Help package, or seek individual Coaching or a class/workshop with a Creative Edge Focusing Consultant or Certified Focusing Trainer
 
      If any tears arise during Intuitive Focusing, let them come.  Be very gentle and curious with the place the tears come from, asking “What are these tears all about?”, “Why does this move me?”, “What’s the meaning of these tears?”
 
Three Different Approaches To A Complete Focusing Session
 
     Each of the three sets of complete Focusing instructions we will try in the next lessons  emphasizes a different way of getting a “felt sense” or “intuitive feel.” 
1.             “How Am I Today?”: You simply ask yourself, “How am I today?” and wait and see what comes as a felt sense.
2.             “Clearing A Space”: You clear a space inside, making a  list  of  all the issues you find, positive and negative, then choose the one thing from the list you would like to focus on.
3.             “Focusing On A Situation” You think of a specific situation or issue about which you want to learn more, and find the “bodily sense” of how that whole thing feels.
 
     Try each set. You may find that one way works consistently better for you, or you may find that you like to use different instructions to work on different kinds of issues. But, for the next four weeks, we will practice #1:
 
     1. “How am I today?”-Allow 20-30 minutes  (click to access e-newsletter archive with the complete Focusing Session exercise)
 

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening  at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire in the Store.

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way.

Comments (3)

By Kathy McGuire, January 13, 2008 11:31 am

With Ruth Hirsch, Creative Edge Associate, Inner Relationship Teacher,  and Certified Focusing Professional and Certifying Coordinator: 

FROM THE BODY COMES OUR NEXT MOVES

A quote from Eugene Gendlin, creator of Focusing:

“The body is not just a pipeline for incoming sensory data.
It’s not a safe deposit box where you put something in
and expect to get the same thing out. There’s something more.  The body can imply something new-a right next step. It’s more like you put a worm into a cocoon and get a butterfly back.”

And another from former UN Secretary-General, Dag Hammarskjold:
 

“The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you,
the better you will hear what is happening outside of you.”

After participating in Levels 1-4, a person can enter supervision to become a Certified Focusing Professional (Focusing Trainer or Focusing-Oriented Therapist)

 Level 1: Focusing Basics: Self Guiding, and Empathic Listening

This is a great opportunity to learn the basics of Focusing: How to Focus alone & with a partner, as well as how to facilitate focusing for another focuser-  And to reap the benefits of enhanced relationships with yourself and others, stress reduction, ease of decision making, and much more!  All this from the comfort and safety of your own home or office. 

Contact Ruth ruth@ruthhirsch.com  for dates and time.

Level 2: Advanced Listening & Beginning Guiding /Facilitation
The goals of this course are to enhance the Focuser’s competence in self-guiding, and to learn advanced listening techniques, and a few guiding techniques that can deepen the Focuser’s ability to stay with present awareness. The essence of the course is learning to be an increasingly facilitative companion to the Focusing process for yourself and for others. Prerequisite: Level One with a Certified Focusing Professional.

Contact Ruth ruth@ruthhirsch.com  for dates and times.

Level 3:  Advanced Guiding: Basics
Beginning to learn how to facilitate a Focusing session for someone new to Focusing.
Supportive suggestions for each stage of the Focusing process will be taught.

Level 4: Advanced Guiding & Troubleshooting
In Level 3 you’ve learned the basics of facilitating (guiding,) a Focusing session for someone new to Focusing.In Level 4, you’ll learn a variety of compassionate, clear approaches to handling various possible challenges and obstacles that may arise in the Focusing process.

Some of the topics to be addressed will include working with the Inner Critic, working with action blocks and addictions; how to assist a Focuser who feels “nothing”- or “too much,” or has one part attacking or victimizing another; and what to do when deriving “meaning” seems to be illusive.

Contact Ruth  ruth@ruthhirsch.com for dates and times.

Level 5: Seminar/Practicum in working with first-time Focusers
This course is an experiential workshop in introducing someone new to Focusing to this wonderful process. we will discuss and role-play how to introduce Focusing, and then each participant will have the opportunity to introduce Focusing and to guide the new Focuser in an introductory session. After the new Focuser is debriefed and leaves, there will be an opportunity to receive constructive feedback from fellow participants in the course and from the instructor.

Contact Ruth ruth@ruthhirsch.com for dates and times.

About the Trainer: Ruth Hirsch is a Certified Focusing trainer, bodyworker, and consultant based in Jerusalem, Israel. For the past 18 years she has maintained a private practice in which she works with people individually, and in groups. She is in her 13th year of teaching Focusing. In her individual work, she specializes in balancing and bringing peace, comfort, and insight to body, mind, heart and spirit.  In her teaching, she delights in sharing Focusing with others as an individual life-enhancing practice, and as an adjunct to enhance the work of other healing professions.

General Info: Courses are limited to a maximum of 6 participants each. The trainings are largely experiential, and are taught in a clear, compassionate, enjoyable manner. Registration fees include the course, unlimited questions between sessions (to be answered via email or at the next class session), and a manual specific to each level.  (Space permitting, those who have already taken the course and would like to review the level may do so for half price.) The course will be taught via a Conference line to a US number which will be provided before the class.

VERY IMPORTANT: To register, or for any questions, comments, or to just say hello, ruth@ruthhirsch.com  .

Ruth Hirsch  MSW, MPH, CMT
Focusing Trainer  & Certifying Coordinator

http://www.ruthhirsch.com

http://www.innerrelationship.com/teachers/hirsch.html

We can never obtain peace in the world if we neglect the inner world and don’t make peace with ourselves. World peace must develop out of inner peace.
  Dalai Lama

Posted for Ruth Hirsch by

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, January 12, 2008 5:18 pm

THE FOCUSING ATTITUDE: CREATING A CARING FEELING PRESENCE INSIDE AND AS A FOCUSED LISTENER
 
For the next four weeks, we will work on perhaps the most essential aspect for successful Intuitive Focusing, creating a positive attitude, inside of yourself, for whatever might arise during a Focusing turn.This is The Focusing Attitude.

Free Downloads:

Complete Focusing Instructions Manual (17 pages)

“Ajas” Instantaneos Mini-Manual

Empathy, Congruence, and Unconditional Positive Regard

Caring Feeling Presence is also the essential attitude which you convey to a Focuser when you are being a Focused Listener:
“I am here for you, without judgment. I am happy to receive anything that comes up inside of you, without criticism. I will set aside my own reactions, judgments, own experiences and be here as a Caring Feeling Presence simply to listen to and to give back to you your own experiencing.” It is a necessary component of the “empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard” which Carl Rogers defined as the crux ingredients for the healing relationship.
 
Leaning in with Tenderness: A Caring Feeling Presence
 
Once I was having a prolonged argument with another Focusing Trainer at a workshop I was teaching. I kept emphasizing, going with the tears and anger, letting them be experienced. He said it was sufficient to work his feelings through in his imagination, that he did not have to say them out loud, that he did not need to feel them.  Then, in a Focusing turn, the Listener used his name: “So, H, you are saying—” “So, H, what mattered was”  My friend reported to me that just hearing his name created an intimacy that allowed him to feel his tears, and the deeper meanings in his experience, and how valuable that was to him—
 
Another time, I was the Focuser, being Listened to accurately but—well, it felt distant, too objective—I didn’t feel “safe” becoming vulnerable in front of that distance. I asked the Listener to “lean in toward me more—be tender toward me—” When she did this, I was able to feel compassion for myself, and to touch into the place of tears, the deeper meanings for me, the part of me that needed to be comforted in order to grow forward.
 
The Real “First Step” of Focusing: Self-Empathy, Self-Love
 
Pete Campbell and Ed McMahon, creators of the Biospiritual Focusing approach, always started their workshops by teaching The Focusing Attitude, which they called “A Caring Feeling Presence.” They did not think anyone should begin to try out Focusing Instructions without first learning how to be kind and gentle with everything that arises inside.
 
And they knew that Focusers had to have this experience in a bodily-felt way, not just as an intellectual idea. Learning to take this Focusing Attitude toward oneself is a life-long learning for anyone wanting to “make peace” with all the different “parts” or “aspects” of themself.
 
Please try out their introductory exercise for finding a “felt sense,” an “intuitive feel” for this kind of inner caring. It involves learning how it feels, in your body, when you are trying to show complete love and safety to someone. Then, turning that same loving attention, that Caring Feeling Presence, toward your own inner experiences:
 
A CARING FEELING PRESENCE INSIDE
 
“Take a moment to find a comfortable sitting position—
Loosen any clothing that is too tight—
And begin to come quietly inside by closing your eyes and starting to just notice your breathing—
Just noticing your breathing—going in—and out—in—and out—Let any sighs or deeper breathing arise naturally—
(one minute)
Now, notice your body, how it feels in the chair —
Massage any spots that feel sore—
Massage your head—
Wrinkle up your face and stretch your jaw—and relax!!!!!
Make a few circles with your shoulders, bringing them up to your ears, around toward the back, and dropping them down—and repeating four or five times—
(one minute)
And now bring your attention inside, to the place where you find a “felt sense” or an “intuitive feel” when you are using Focusing, often in the center of your body, around the chest/heart area—-
(one minute)
And now, imagine that you work in a hospital—
An infant has been left on the hospital steps—
Let yourself feel the impact of this situation in your body—
It is your job to pick up that infant and to convey to it, through your body, your way of holding it, that it is safe, that it is perfectly and truly wanted in this world. Imagine picking up that infant—
Now, imagine what you would do in your body to convey to that infant that it is prefectly safe, that it is truly wanted in this world—
(one minute)
Notice what you do in your body to convey this loving attention, without words—
(one minute)
Now, imagine turning that same kind of Caring Feeling Presence toward your own inner places, whatever they may be—
(one minute)
Bring to your mind times in your life went you felt loved and valued in this way. Look for particular places or people or animals or situations where you felt completely safe, completely wanted, basking in the warmth of loving attention—
(one to three minutes)
Choose one of these images/places/people/situations that could stand as such a strong symbol of this kind of safety that you could use the memory of it as an anchor or talisman to bring you to that sense of Caring Feeling Presence to your own inside experiences. We’ll call that your Inner Nurturer—
(one to three minutes)
Now, look through your life and store of memories and images and see if you can find an image of a part of yourself that is now or was at some point very much in need of that kind of Caring Feeling Presence. It could be an Inner Child, yourself at a certain age or time of life. But it could be another kind of image: like “a wounded animal” or “a butterfly with a crumpled wing” or “a gangrenous leg—I just want to cut it off” or a particular physical tension (headache, tight jaw, stomach knot) that you often suffer from. We’ll call that your Inner Woundedness—
(one to three minutes)
Now, imagine taking your Inner Nurturer and turning that Caring Feeling Presence toward your Inner Woundedness—
(one to three minutes)
Just spend some time seeing if you can touch your Inner Woundedness with that Inner Nurturing—
(one to three minutes)
And come back into the room when you are ready.
 
Things That Get In The Way of This Inner Attitude
 
This exercise is just a first step. You might have found that Inner Critical Voices arose while you tried this exercise (“This is silly!” “I don’t have any weaknesses!” “It’s too late. The past is the past,” etc. In the next weeks, we will continue working with establishing a Caring Feeling Presence inside, and the things that can get in the way of that. Turning toward oneself, and others, with love and self-love, is a life-long learning! But we are starting today.

Sign up for RSS feed to receive a continuation of this lesson over several weeks.

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening  at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire in the Store.

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, January 8, 2008 3:28 pm

Mientras que el Ajá Instantáneo # 4 Cinco-Minutos de Dolor se dirige  específicamente a qué hacer si un paciente, amigo o compañero de trabajo comienza a llorar, el resumen de abajo muestra cómo el usar Focusing Intuitivo para “permanecer con” el “sentir intuitivo” de un síntoma físico puede permitir que ese síntoma se abra a un Ajá de significado más profundo, con un brillo de lágrimas en los ojos como una señal del cuerpo de que es un lugar seguro para detenerse e ir más profundamente dentro del “sentir de toda la cosa”.El resumen muestra una pequeña porción de la sesión de Pareja de Focusing.  La Focalizadora es una persona experimentada en el uso de Focusing Intuitivo.  Al principio, cuando la Focalizadora habla acerca de levantarse con lo que parece ser el inicio de una migraña y los asuntos relacionados con ella, la Escuchadora se da cuenta de una leve presencia de lágrimas.

Ella sugiere que la Focalizadora se detenga y “sienta adentro” en el lugar de las lágrimas.   Hacia el final de la sesión, la Focalizadora se ha movilizado desde un profundo sollozo acerca de la carga pesada de la depresión que ella ha tenido “por tanto tiempo” y el experimentar la animación de un “cambio sentido”, “sentirse más liviana”, “¡querer bailar!”  La Focalizadora señala que la migraña ha cedido.

La sesión se inicia con la Focalizadora y la Escuchadora sentadas frente a frente.  La F., debido a su experiencia previa con el proceso de Focusing Experiencial, escogió mantener los ojos cerrados durante la sesión, prestando atención a su experiencia interna.  La Escuchadora, la Dra. McGuire, comienza:

Escuchadora: “Siéntate cómoda, cerrando los ojos para ir adentro, para estar sintonizada con lo que sea que haya allí  Díme si necesitas alguna ayuda o cuando estés lista para comenzar a hablar”

Focalizadora: (Pausa de 10′) “Esta mañana cuando me desperté tenía un dolor en la parte izquierda de la cabeza y pensé: “Oh, es la migraña que viene”… así que estaba tratando de sentir acerca de lo que se trataba, humm, como que mi cuerpo está lleno de toxinas, como si quisiera sacudirme de esas toxinas”.

Escuchadora: “Así que cuando te levantaste, notaste que tenías el comienzo de un dolor de cabeza en la parte izquierda de tu cabeza,  y permaneciste  un momento con ello, tratando de sentirlo. El sentimiento fue el de toxinas en tu cuerpo, y querías simplemente sacudirlas, quitártelas.”

Focalizadora (Pausa de 30 segundos)  “Y noté que mi garganta se cerró esta mañana y eso es algo sobre lo que he estado trabajando – lo hemos estado trabajando juntas – algo emocional, profundo allí, en mi garganta, algo así como “atorado”.

(La Focalizadora está dando el primer paso de Focusing Experiencial “aclarando un espacio”, notando y nombrando los diversos asuntos que ella lleva para poder escoger uno en el cual trabajar).

Escuchadora: “Sí, así que te das cuenta de eso también, tu garganta, atascándose,  eso es algo que hemos trabajado antes, está conectado con cosas emocionales profundas, hasta parece que pude ver un viso de lágrimas mientras lo describías, tal vez solamente estar con eso, permanecer con ese “atascado”…

(La Escuchadora se da cuenta del inicio de lágrimas y da una Instrucción de Focusing Experiencial, sugiriendo el detenerse y prestar atención a la “sensación sentida”)

Focalizadora: (lágrimas visibles bajo los cerrados párpados, enrojecimiento de la cara, voz se torna más ronca)

“Lo que me molesta de ello es que trato de aclarar mi garganta y no se aclara.  Sigo intentándolo y me impide hablar de la manera en que me gusta hacerlo y esto molesta a las personas, creo.

Escuchadora: “Humm”

Focalizadora: “De alguna manera me impide al tratar de proyectar mi voz”

Escuchadora: “Humm”

Focalizadora: “Trato de quitarlo y se mantiene allí, es hum…”

Escuchadora: “Humm – así que lo que te molesta es que intentas aclarar tu garganta y esto no sucede, también piensas que esto es difícil para las otras personas.  Deseas proyectar tu voz y que esta salga.  Esto es difícil para las otras personas también,  en realidad, no puedes hablar”.

Focalizadora: “Eso realmente impide la comunicación”.

Download “Ajas Instantaneos”. Other Spanish Translations at Creative Edge Focusing website. Translations by Agnes Rodriguez of Costa Rica, offering Listening/Focusing Training by phone in English or Spanish .

Ud. puede leer el resumen completo con el comentario, y ver por Ud. mismo el “cambio sentido” en Medical Change Events Through Experiential Focusing.

You can read the entire excerpt, with commentary, and see the “felt shift” for yourself in Medical Change Events Through Experiential Focusing. You can view the entire 12-minute session in the DVD Listening/Focusing Demonstrations, also part of The Self-Help Package. Download “Being Touched and Being Moved: The Spiritual Value of Tears for many examples of how tears and Focusing interrelate.
Download “Finding The Meaning In Tears” for exercises for using Focusing to find the meaning in your tears. Both articles are packed with real-life examples of how tears “touch us” and “move us” in positive ways.

Spend some fun time taking some of the Personality Tests and discovering your “differing gifts,” your Temperaments, your varying Multiple Intelligences, your Shadow Side in the Enneagram.

–Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dra. Kathy McGuire

Focusing de Borde Creativo ^TM

http://www.cefocusing.com

Comments (2)

By Kathy McGuire, January 4, 2008 6:40 pm

Listening To Your Child: Developing An Inner Guide, Not Only Outer Authority

Authoritarian child rearing was effective in producing the assembly-line workers needed by an industrializing society. Times have changed. Now businesses want to hire flexible, creative, self-directing team players.

Families have also changed. Large farming families needed military-style discipline to keep everyone in line. In today’s one or two-child families, parents can give attention to the unique personality of each child.

As we struggle for equality between men and women in relationships, we also look for ways in which children can be treated as persons with dignity and rights.

In the 1950s, psychologist Carl Rogers took a stand against the authoritarianism inherent in psychoanalytic and behavioral theories of psychotherapy and created “client-centered” psychotherapy. The therapist did not impose values or goals upon the client but acted only to facilitate the unfolding of each person’s unique way of being in the world. Rogers later called his movement the “person-centered” approach, and it spread to education, childrearing, and peer self-help.

Rogers created “empathic listening.” The therapist tried to hear the client as if standing in the client’s shoes. He or she would then try to reflect back the client’s own words such that the client could hear him or herself more clearly. The client continued clarifying and articulating his or her own vision until the words and images exactly fit inner experiencing. Just this — finding exactly the right words or images for unclear body sensings or intuitions — allowed the client to move forward, to become more clear about values, goals, and action steps.

Empathic listening became the basis of many self- help techniques, including the “active listening” of Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training, and Faber & Mazlish’s How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, How To Listen So Kids Will Talk.

Eugene Gendlin, a student of Rogers, discovered a further essential thing about human beings: they could only change, through therapy or through life experiences, if they were able to check with and refer to their present bodily “feel” of living in situations. He called this self- checking “Focusing” and developed self-help and therapeutic techniques for teaching people this self-healing capacity (Focusing, Bantam, 1981).

“Child-centered” or “positive” parenting applies Listening and Focusing skills to raising children such that they do not lose the capacity for self-checking — for articulating and being guided by their own unique vision and for taking responsibility for their own behavior. A three-prong approach is necessary: listening to your child, listening to your partner, and listening to your own Inner Child. Read more about Inner/Outer Parenting

See our Interest Area: Positive Parenting

Download Dr. McGuire’s article, “Don’t Fight ‘Em, Join ‘Em: Community-Wide Intervention for ADHD, School Failure, and Juvenile Delinquency” .

Spend some fun time taking some of the Personality Tests and discovering your “differing gifts,” your Temperaments, your varying Multiple Intelligences, your Shadow Side in the Enneagram.

–Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, December 30, 2007 4:52 pm

For background, read previous blogs on Creative Edge Education, especially for ADHD, or visit Interest Area: Education at Creative Edge Focusing (TM)’s website.

Here are ten suggested first steps for bringing a Creative Edge Focusing approach into school systems:

1. If you are not a teacher or school administrator, brainstorm with any you know about Creative Edge Focusing as “human literacy” and how to interact effectively with school systems to propose a Creative Edge Focusing curriculum
2. Collaborate with others at Creative Edge Focusing™ to create a Creative Edge Focusing™ curriculum for each level of education, from pre-school through graduate school.
3. Offer a power point presentation on Creative Edge Focusing™, with PRISMS/S and The Creative Edge Pyramid of skills and methods to a Parent Teacher Organization meeting. Interface the core skills with Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence work.
4. Offer to follow up with a ten-week Focusing Group/Team training with interested staff and parents ( or separate groups for parents and school personnel, if this is more comfortable for those concerned), to learn the core Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening skills  and Interpersonal Focusing and Collaborative Decision Making skills and to problem solve on how to bring Creative Edge Focusing™ into their school or school system. Make a plan and help carry it out.
5. Offer a similar presentation at higher levels in the school system hierarchy, for instance, district-wide teacher inservice days, Education Collaboratives funded to offer training to teachers, education conferences, teacher training programs in Universities, followed up with a Focusing Group ten-week training.
6. Offer Focusing Groups as a burn-out prevention method for teachers and as a first step in their learning Listening/Focusing skills to turn around and teach to students.
7. Offer to start a peer counseling training program at a school or school system, training selected students in Listening, Focusing, Interpersonal Focusing and Collaborative Decision Making who can then serve as peer counselors to other students and to mediate interpersonal conflicts and facilitate group decision making when needed (as in a Student Court, for instance). Peer counseling is an established practice in some schools that can be built on. Google it and network with others using this approach in schools, try to get a grant….
8. Find ten foundations which sponsor innovations in education (such as George Lucas’ foundation and Gardner’s Project Zero. Approach each with a proposal for integrating “human literacy” training through Creative Edge Focusing™ into some chosen schools (e.g., Head Start, Career Academies, Waldorf, or other innovative kinds of schools)
9. Approach Business Schools with an “emotional intelligence/human literacy” Creative Edge Focusing™ curriculum of PRISMS/S and The Creative Edge Pyramid. This would  prepare business students for Focused Listening to clients, Intuitive Focusing for creative problem solving, Interpersonal Focusing for conflict resolution, and Collaborative Edge Decision Making for productive team/group meetings.
10. Find ten foundations which sponsor education-based interventions in impoverished areas, such as the Peace Corps and Vista. Propose that they incorporate “human literacy” through Creative Edge Focusing™ into their programs.

Just ideas! As a psychologist/consultant and parent of two children with special learning needs, I have lots of experience interacting with school systems, but I’m not a teacher or administrator. I would like to see ideas from inside of these systems for integrating “human literacy” into curriculum. Please join our e-discussion/support group for continued collaboration on Creative Edge Focusing and Education. 

Download Dr. McGuire’s article, “Don’t Fight ‘Em, Join ‘Em: Community-Wide Intervention for ADHD, School Failure, and Juvenile Delinquency” .

Spend some fun time taking some of the Personality Tests and discovering your “differing gifts,” your Temperaments, your varying Multiple Intelligences, your Shadow Side in the Enneagram.

–Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

Download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (”Ajas” Instantaneos en espanol) for ten exercises bringing Listening and Focusing into your everyday life starting today.

Download our complete Intuitive Focusing Instructions to start practicing Relaxation, Getting a Felt Sense, and Intuitive Focusing today!

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

Comments (5)

By Kathy McGuire, December 23, 2007 10:53 pm

In business settings, there is great appreciation for the fact that teams need a balance of people with different skills, interests, and talents. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is one personality test widely used in organizations to help co-workers come to appreciate the “differing gifts” each brings to the table and to avoid conflict by respecting these differences. The MBTI helps businesses to hire personnel, organize teams, and increase conflict-free collaboration.

The MBTI is also widely used in education, to identify students’ differing gifts and to offer guidance in terms of career choices utilizing various gifts. The MBTI, has proved highly valid in predicting future career choices and guiding students into careers which are a good fit for their particular skills, talents, and interests (Myers, Gifts Differing, 1980).

Kiersey’s Please Understand Me, Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences, and Mel Levines’ All Kinds Of Minds all offer additional perspectives for appreciating the “differing gifts” of each child. See Personality Tests for thorough descriptions and sample tests from these models.

The Career Academy model for high school education, sponsored by the federal Department of Labor in the USA, allows students to become exposed to a variety of possible career choices through hands-on, real-life activities. It also helps students to specialize in an area of interest leading directly into actual jobs or next-step accreditation programs, such as community colleges and technical schools, as well as colleges and universities.

Read Dr. McGuire’s article, “Don’t Fight ‘Em, Join ‘Em: Community-Wide Intervention for ADHD, School Failure, and Juvenile Delinquency” .

Spend some fun time with holiday company, taking some of the Personality Tests and comparing your “differing gifts,” your Temperaments, your varying Multiple Intelligences, your Shadow Side in the Enneagram.

–Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, December 20, 2007 2:37 pm

This was such a paradigmatic example of Gendlin’s Focusing self-help technique (Focusing, Bantam, 1981,1984) and McGuire’s Intuitive Focusing, that I wanted to share it here. It includes Clearing  A Space, deeper Focusing, and a huge bodily-felt shift, predicted to cause lasting change in “personality,” in how the person lives from then on.

 It also ended up capturing something about this holiday season, the symbol of a young, struggling, “holy” family (Christian or not, it is this symbolism that touches me).
 
The turn happened on the Creative Edge Practice yahoo group where we are developing a model, a safe place for learning about Listening/Focusing directly in an email group. You can join us! Go to the link to read a description of the group.
 
In response to my Focusing turn, three different people offered Listening Reflection, each beautifully, empathically “holding and grasping” my message and giving it back to me, enriched by their own being-there in a Listening way. What an educational experience to be able to compare styles of Reflecting! 
 
Here is the complete turn: it started slowly, me thinking only of Clearing a Space, moving into a deep Focusing, huge felt-shifting experience. The kaleidescope turned, and everything is newly in process:
 
“Okay, I am going to touch base with myself, as this holiday time (for me, my 62nd birthday Dec. 24, then Christmas, Dec. 25, New Years….) by Clearing A Space, just to see what is on my plate.  No desperate issue to use Focusing with, but a sense of wanting to “take an inventory,” see what is there (Clearing A Space is Getting A Felt Sense Exercise #3, p.10 in Complete Focusing Instructions download you received, also on CD Intuitive Focusing Training, Track 10. You can find e-newsletters about it at E-newsletter archive, dates 10/12-11/1 ):
 
Phew!!  All that teaching done, now turning toward myself, just beginning to follow my breathing as a way of coming inside my body—  big breath, big sigh. Ahhhh!
 
—Got to slow down, give up “teaching” mind set, take time, take those whole “minutes” for finding the felt sense, not try to do this fast—
 
—-(long pause for felt sensing)   Wow! (almost teary feeling) This holiday is almost here, after all these months of build up, and, if I am not careful, I am going to “miss it,” miss the “holiday” time-off, time for relationships, feeling of it ——
 
— Moving into a little Focusing here —- I am not really taking a full break —still doing email, blogging, website about three hours a day —what if I took a total break for the week from Christmas to New Years? —– tension in my shoulders — responsibility — also almost teary : “I would miss my email community — they are a large part of my “family” —-
 
—Many people also experiencing this “holiday,” not wanting a lot of emails — natural slow down?(doing some meridian tapping on sore spots each side of my collar bone: “I carry so much tension, even when I am trying to be on vacation —-TRYING!” (Big sigh, letting go of some tension—)
 
—Leaving further Focusing on that issue for another time. Back to Clearing A Space (I am looking for the peace, the “Except for all of that, I am completely okay!” experience that can come just with Clearing). (Big breath. Sigh. Releasing some tension). Ahhhh!
 
—Next issue that arises: Seeing my son, daughter-in-law, new grandson today— almost teary feeling — they are like Mary and Joseph — too young. They have a home, but not much else in the way of security — the world against them, too, in some way, because of their ADHD way of being (more teary here — pausing to sense into this. More of a sad sigh…)— some actual tears now, some relief in that symbolism — that there will be some angels and shepherds and wise men for them, too — some supports —that it is “not just me” trying to hold them up —WOW!  That is an insight for me. Not to experience only all the hardship side but to see that there is some world-love, some world-support for them also—-NOT JUST ME (more teary feeling there. I will pause to be with that part — the strain I put on me to “hold them up” —)Big sigh—-
 
—My son will be at least yelled at at work, if not fired, because people stole something while he was cashier — it wasn’t totally his fault, but he was crying, stressed out, about it — but also angry about being blamed —
 
—And he is considering joining the military as a way to cope with this young family, all the bills….that is a big “weight” on me (I am drooping under the crush of it)  Big Sigh.  So, there is that. That is a heavy one — but I am reminded of the “support” symbolism above — the weight of that, the decision, whatever happens, it’s not all on my shoulders (ALL??? REally, in some way, none of it is on my shoulders —tears, sobbing, really, here —- I really cannot “remove this cross” from them. It is theirs to bear, not mine—much more sobbing there, nausea —- I would much rather be able to control it, to take it on, take care of it, make it come out alright —- more sobbing—-
 
(Had to get up and walk around. There is a huge physical pain shooting all up the sides of my torso, through my spine/ribcage, and sobbing about how I would rather carry it, even if stressful, than acknowledge that I really can’t control it, I can’t fix it— of course, logically, I know this — but THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS IS LIKE AN EXPERIENTIAL, BODY-KNOWING THAT I CAN’T CONTROL IT. THIS COULD BE A BIG SHIFT, A BIG CHANGE IN MY MAJOR LIFE PATTERN OF TRYING TO CARRY EVERYTHING— so, I am going to breath into this and walk more, let this body-level shift happen more thoroughly—)
 
—This is big. I can’t even comprehend, really, what would come next as a way-of-being if I put this down, this idea that I am controlling/saving/holding up things, like whether people I love live or die, etc. — I’m thinking “This is what the Freudians mean by ‘secondary gain’ — what is the person gaining by having what looks like an unproductive pattern/behavior?” I’m feeling this experientially, as a body, not just a head, knowing — Big sigh. I need to take more time to “live into” this body-shifting—- Pause again, walking.
 
—  Sitting, just breathing, feeling twinges shooting all through my body, loosenings, stretchings — but also part of me that wants to “crunch back up,” go back to thinking I am controlling things — but, I know that, fortunately, I guess, in real felt-shifting, like this is, there is no going back —-“The kaleidescope turns, and everything is new.” Darn!!! (meridian tapping those sore spots on collarbone again)
 
— A glimmering: “Well, silly, you weren’t really controlling things before either, with all that stress and tension. YOu just thought you were!!!!!!!”” (something in me starts shuttering here, shaking with fear — this is too scary for that part. I will be with that part now, turning compassionate, nurturing attention to it —–) Pause.
 
—I’m looking at a poster I have on the wall. It is a big pool of wavy water. Floating in the middle, a mother cradles her child in her hands. There are larger hands cradling those two. And really large hands cradling “all of that.”  I want to comfort myself there, convince myself, believe that there are “larger hands” holding it all up:”S/he’s got the whole world in his/her hands,” the song says —- Ahhhh! More pausing to “sit with” all of this — the scared part, the letting go, the hope that there is love/support in this world so harsh for these young parents — some teariness there—Ahhhh!
 
—still too scary — thinking of my child going off to Afghanistan or Iraq, him thinking he is going to work on computers and come out getting a job for $120,000!!!!  Too young. Too innocent to face these huge decisions…but also very stubborn. Very much needing to “do it myself.” And, yes, it is his destiny. I cannot do it for him. It ruins the very “thing,” the “selfhood” for him if I try to decide for him. Sigh….
 
—I can’t do anymore with this place now. Need it to rest. Trust the continuing bodily shifting. Ahhh!
 
— Sense that there is this whole “other thing” on my plate. Where I thought I would spend my Focusing time. This whole issue about my work, what new projects I should take on, what leave alone. How be less stressed. I’m not going to go there now. Another time. But I know they are related. Saving my son. Saving the world. It’s all part of that same “life script” :”I can hold it all up. I can change it all. I can save everybody, if I just work hard enough.”  Big sigh!!!
 
I’m stopping here! Another huge post, huge Focusing turn come out of Clearing a Space. I do feel lighter. My spine straighter, my body less hunched over with carrying it all. I am optimistic! I trust this felt-shifting, carrying forward process. I know it is in the “direction of righting,” wholeness.
 
I do feel finished.  I do not need reflection. But, of course, it is always welcome. It is always nice to ALSO be heard, as well as hearing myself. And, of course, this group is a place to practice Reflecting, so I’m game for any person to try it, perhaps with just some small part…or not!  It’s vacation!
 
Warmly, and thanks for Listening, “holding this space.” I would not do this Focusing at all this well or deeply “alone”.
 
Kathy

—Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way