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By Kathy McGuire, October 22, 2007 12:27 pm

SWEET POTATO “FRIES” AND EASY EXERCISE

Oven-Baked “Fries”

Okay, so, for healthy eating, fried foods are simply out. And yellow, red, and orange vegetables are in. So, here is a great alternative:

I buy a large enough sweet potato for the three of us. Preheat oven to 420 degrees, the standard heat for roasting vegetables. Peel and slice the sweet potato in “fry” shape.

Drizzle some olive oil on a cookie sheet. Sprinkle with coarse salt (I buy chunky Sea Salts at discount stores like TJ Maxx and Tuesday Morning). Spread out “fries.” Sprinkle with a seasoning of choice (I usually use Italian Seasoning, but you could try Curry or anything…). Now, toss it all together, coating the fries evenly.

Place on top rack of oven, and bake for 8 minutes. Stir and turn the fries, and bake for 8 minutes more. The goal is to start the carmelization process that turns the starch to sugar. Turn off the oven. If you want the fries softer, let sit in oven a while. Yum!!!

EASY BASIC EXERCISE

For those who have trouble sticking to an exercise routine and who don’t make it to health clubs, here is all you need to do: buy a treadmill (Nordic Trak from Sears or Vision Fitness T9200 from Your Total Fitness Store are fine for around $1000), unless you can easily walk outside. Walk (You do not need to run. It is not necessary and can lead to more injuries interrupting exercise routine) at speed of 3 miles/hour or less, more is not necessary. Aim for 45 minutes a day five days/week. Advantage of treadmill: If you like to read or watch TV, you can do either as a reward for exercising. Becomes a good excuse for an escape!

For upper body: Bowflex can be good as an at-home machine. The motion is smooth compared to most weight machines. But you can also put together a combination of yoga for flexibility and arm strength, Pilates for core (torso) strength, and arm exercises with or without small weights for upper body strength. Aim to do this routine during some TV program that you watch regularly, like the news or late night talk show, whatever. Just a likely time to fit in 20 minutes of exercise. At least three times a week.

And that is it. If you “fall off the wagon,” it is easy to get started again. Just pick up a book, turn on the TV,  or step outside!

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By Kathy McGuire, October 20, 2007 10:45 pm

Untangling Desire : Self-Satisfaction Part

Two Last week, I spoke about allowing one partner to “self-satisfy” without judgment and perhaps even with welcoming as a way of accepting  unequal desire.Now I speak about Self-Satisfaction Part Two: taking responsibility for one’s on satisfaction during mutual love-making. You would never arrive at a negotiating table in business without knowing exactly what you want so that you can bargain to get it. Same in the bedroom. No more expectation of “second-guessing,” “mind reading,” disappointment, frustration, anger, performance anxiety.  Each person is responsible for knowing what they want and need in terms of sexual satisfaction and how to make it happen. Then, they may communicate with and teach their partner, but they can also take care of their own sexual needs.   

Through communication and sharing, you may come to all kinds of mutuality of sexual satisfaction. But that is icing on the cake, not anyone else’s responsibility.

Women, Lonnie Barbach, whose initial book was For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality, is a gentle guide to learning how your sexuality works. Her other books include For Each Other and a variety about how to pleasure the other while getting what you need yourself. Here is a link to her many books:  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b/104-6987695-1101551?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Lonnie+Barbach&Go.x=9&Go.y=12

Men, I will warn that the whole “multiple orgasm” thing should be a choice you make to pursue for your own heightened pleasure, not something you have to do to make adequate love to a woman. Once a woman becomes responsible for understanding her own pleasure, with some erotic massage thrown in for sensuous foreplay, “being able to make love all night” is not necessary.

That said, for men and women as couples,  Barbara Keesling is a great author of self-help books, several translated into Spanish as well:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b/104-4632231-5920735?initialSearch=1&url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Barbara+Keesling&Go.x=8&Go.y=12

Best female lubricant (odorless, tasteless, silky, long-lasting): Creme de la Femme, Premiere Enterprises,  Los Angeles, CA  1-800-776-1889 (keep in the fridge)

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

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By Kathy McGuire, October 19, 2007 2:01 pm

Metodo de Toma de Decisiones del Borde de Colaboracion

Collaborative Edge Decision Making Method 

(Download this article to read all about the Creative Edge Focusing (TM) model for creative and innovative task-oriented meetings )

I believe it is at Google that every employee’s total work is put out publicly on a shared networking site, so everyone always knows what everyone is creating!  Wow! The opposite of competitive cubby holes.

Also, at a number of businesses, they are tearing down walls between employees, enlarging “shared work spaces” with comfortable chairs and work stations to encourage sharing, breaking down walls between departments, and also between inside and outside, bringing many more outside consultants and consumers into the idea and product-generating process.

The old model of static bureacracies is not adapted to this “niche” and consumer-driven market. Companies have to respond very quickly in creating new products to meet demands worldwide. So, they need the work teams down the hierarchy to be the “front line” in terms of responsivity… A Bottom-up model.

Also, companies are sending employees out into the marketplace to observe the real lives of consumers — e.g., in terms of figuring out what kind of cell phone to create for a foreign market, employees travel there and observe how the people there use technology, use cell phones and computers , etc.

Creative Edge Focusing is right in line with all of these collaborative and experiential directions! And we “own” the remaining new frontier: inner “felt sensing,” the “intuitive feel” of ideas and situations as a font of creativity and innovation.

Malcolm Gladwell, In Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking (Little, Brown, 2005) legitimated the power of “intuition” and “gut feelings” for decision making.

Certified Focusing Professionals of The Focusing Institute, and now Creative Edge Focusing (TM) consultants, have been exploring and teaching the use of The Creative Edge, the “intuitive feel” of situations and ideas, for over thirty years!

See (many of these books are available directly from The Store at The Focusing Institute,  www.focusing.org as well as www.amazon.com )

       Gendlin, E.T. Focusing (Bantam, 1981, 1984)

       Cornell, Ann Weiser The Power Of Focusing (New Harbinger, 1996)

       Flanagan, Kevin Everyday Genius: Focusing On Your Emotional Intelligence

              (Marino Books, Dublin, 1998)

See also the website of Flavia Cymbalista, www.marketfocusing.com , and testimonial from George Soros about how the Intuitive Focusing skill helps with decision making in the uncertainties of financial markets.

And, at our own website for Creative Edge Focusing (TM), www.cefocusing.com,

Core Concept: Creativity, http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a8.php ,

Instant “Ahah!” Empowerment Organization: Motivating From The Bottom Up ,  http://www.cefocusing.com/freeresources/2a1f.php,

Case Studies:Creative Edge Organization, http://www.cefocusing.com/casestudies/6a7.php,

Core Concept: Intuitive Focusing, http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a1.php,

Core Concept: Creating At The Edge: Culture of Creativity, http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a11.php,

and, to sum it all up, Interest Area: Creative Edge Organization, http://www.cefocusing.com/isthisyou/3a1a.php 

(if these links don’t work, go to our Blogroll and choose Creative Edge Focusing and The Focusing Institute! You’ll find the articles to download under Free Resources: Articles. I’m just learning how to do this blogging!) Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director, Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

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By Kathy McGuire, October 18, 2007 5:00 pm

Here are the Core Concepts of Creative Edge Focusing (TM) 

Core Creativity Cultura De Creatividad

• Every individual is born with a unique blueprint. Personal growth is the unfolding of this blueprint
• Every problem holds within itself the exact next steps needed for solution
• The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way
• The Creative Edge is a right-brain phenomenon and is physically experienced as the murky, intuitive “feel” of the whole issue

Intuitive Focusing

• Creating at the Edge involves a back-and-forth nonlinear process between left-brain “symbolizations” and right brain “felt experiencing”
• The  Intuitive Focusing skill teaches specific steps which make problem-solving at The Creative Edge  and  “Ah, hah!” insights a predictable process
• Central to Intuitive Focusing is learning to silently “sit with” the murky, intuitive, preverbal “felt sense” underlying an issue before attempting to find words, gestures, or images as “symbolizations

Focused Listening

• The Focused Listening skill is a powerful tool for helping another person to create symbolizations out of The Creative Edge and especially in finding the “intuitive feel” for each person in interpersonal situations, turning conflict into creativity
• Focused Listening also allows for empathic understanding of the Other and the possibility for conflict resolution which comes from empathic understanding.

Creative Edge Organizations

• The Creative Edge Organization Method ensures maximum creativity and motivation at every level by encouraging Intuitive Focusing by individuals and Coordinated Collaboration in groups and teams
• Maximum motivation arises when people are encouraged to create their lives and solutions to problems from their own Creative Edge.
• Individuals are motivated when they are engaged at their Creative Edge. When organizational structures lose touch with The Creative Edge of individuals, apathy is created.
• True change, at any level, from personal to global, can only happen by engaging The Creative Edge of individual human beings. There is no lasting way to impose change from the outside. Lasting change is empowered from the individual entering into collaborative action with other individuals.

Paradigm Shifts

• Paradigms are fixed perceptual schemata, or Gestalts,  which determine beliefs, emotional reactions, and behaviors
• Paradigm shifts are the source of true creativity, innovation,  and change
• Intuitive Focusing results in shifts at the level of paradigms. The kaleidoscope turns, a new Gestalt is created,  and new thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are able to arise
• Paradigm shifts at The Creative Edge release blocked energy as well as creating new solutions

Self-Organizing  Tendency…

Read more and find the active links at http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a11.php

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By Kathy McGuire, October 17, 2007 3:41 pm

PDF: DESTREZA BASICA: ESCUCHA FOCALIZADA

Human Literacy = Listening To Oneself And Listening To Another

When an individual is using the Intuitive Focusing Skill to problem solve at The Creative Edge, Focused Listening by another person can help carry the whole process of articulation forward.

Based on Carl Rogers’ Reflective or Empathic Listening, Focused Listening, the second Core Skill of Creative Edge Focusing ™, is the most simple yet most powerful communication skill you will ever learn.

When people are trying to communicate, struggling with  overwhelming emotion, or trying to solve  problems, nothing is more helpful than hearing their own words back. Then, they can use Intuitive Focusing to check inside and ask themselves, “Is that what I am trying to say?”, “Is that really what I am feeling?” “Is that the right image for this creative problem I am solving?”

The understanding of Gendlin’s Intuitive Focusing has greatly enriched Empathic Listening, so that it is no mere “parroting” of what the other has said.   Reflection includes more than the person’s words. It can also include reflection of aspects of The Creative Edge which the person hasn’t yet been able to put completely into words. The person may be communicating these felt edges through gestures or emotional tone. Also, as the person speaks, metaphors or images may arise in the Focused Listener which seem to capture or point to the Creative Edge.

The Focused Listener can also offer Focusing Invitations which can deepen the Focuser’s ability to contact the Creative Edge.

Focused Listening means not trying to solve the problem for the other person but trusting that the solution is already implicit in the person’s own Creative Edge. No outside solution could be as relevant or as likely to be able to be carried out in action than that arising from The Creative Edge.

The Focused Listening Skill involves learning to set aside all your usual reactions, your opinions, judgments, advice, suggestions and just say back, or “reflect,” what the other person is trying to say.  The Listener can also help by giving Focusing Invitations to the Focuser.

Yes, everyone thinks they know how to do listen, but, really, when was the last time you really listened to another person, or that someone really listened to you?   

Four Basic Kinds of Response

The Focused Listening skill as Dr. McGuire teaches it, which combines Gendlin’s Focusing with Rogers’ Reflective Listening, includes four different possible kinds of responses by the Listener: (read more and learn the actual skill involved in the responses at http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a2.php on Creative Edge Focusing’s Ultimate Self Help website.

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By Kathy McGuire, October 15, 2007 2:09 pm

Collaborative Edge Sexuality: Negotiation Among Equals For Win/Win Solutions

 In Unequal Desire? Try Erotic Massage a few days ago,   I spoke about unequal sexual desire and making three dates per week, starting with massage for the weary, if need be— Un-“Coupling” Desire and Satisfaction But what if desire is still unequal? What if one partner would happily have sex every day; the other much less frequently— What if your partner gets turned on just watching you undress for bed – and you are only thinking of going to sleep? You are not responsible for satisfying your partner’s desire—but, you should also not stand in the way.  Self- Satisfaction needs to become completely accepted, not to be hidden or scorned—It can be celebrated by the other, even if the other only wants minimal participation, or none—and, sometimes, it might surprise the other with their own desire— Only do what feels “okay” —but don’t be stopped by society’s “taboos” Check with your “intuitive feel,” your “felt sense” of each new situation (learn Intuitive Focusing at http://www.cefocusing.com/coreconcepts/1a1.php). While your lover self-satisfies, might you be willing to do a slow strip-tease?—or dance for your lover?—or tease them with a feather boa?—or a touch on the inner thigh? Perhaps you are only willing to sit in a provocative pose while you read your book—or, perhaps, this day, you would rather leave and go check your email—or go to sleep—or perhaps your partner would rather go out into the garden, in company of the night sounds and breezes— Then or at another time, share from your “felt sensing” about “self-satisfaction.” We all have a lot of past history, taboos, and also sensuous experiences to share. 

Sharing Sets The Stage And Keeps The Curtain Open

At Creative Edge Focusing (TM), www.cefocusing.com , you can download the free Instant “Ahah!” manual, in the sidebar after subscribing to our e-newsletter, but also in Free Resources under Long Articles. It gives you ten simple exercises you can incorporate into your every day life. Use Instant “Ahah!” #8, “Sharing Your Day: Instant Intimacy” to keep the door to further intimacy open. Use Instant “Ahah!” #3, “Passive Listening: Stop arguments” for five-minute uninterrupted turns to communicate about sex or anything else. Visit www.cefocusing.com to learn about Intuitive Focusing, Focused Listening, and how to use Focusing Partnership turns and Interpersonal Focusing turns for ongoing communication and conflict resolution.Okay, I’m nervous about posting this, but, if you have comments, out with them!Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops 

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director Creative Edge Focusing (TM)www.cefocusing.comThe site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

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By Kathy McGuire, October 15, 2007 2:02 pm

Okay, I think I have managed to attach a photo of the Two Wizard of Oz diorama mentioned in my first post. Take a look: my iNtuitive(MBTI) one on the left tells the story: the house fell on the Wicked Witch of the East, the Wicked Witch of the West put Dorothy, Scarecrow, and Lion to sleep in the poppy field — but Tin Man, because of “no heart,” is still awake, looking for help, and Glenda Good Witch is on the scene. All metaphor.

 The other diorama, strong on Sensing (MBTI), has carefully-drawn bricks on the yellow road, leaves attached, tiny dog and basket details added to Dorothy. But no story-telling. Which one draws you? And why? Please comment! It was hard to get this photo up here (but now look for more to come! This is fun!)

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By Kathy McGuire, October 14, 2007 3:18 pm

I first came upon the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator when my adopted son entered public school as a first grader. Immediately, he was diagnosed as Attention Deficit Disorder With Hyperactivity (ADHD).

 Here I had been living with this vastly entertaining, golden boy for seven years (from birth) and, suddenly, because he could not sit still at a desk and listen to a teacher talk, there was something really wrong with him, something needing medication.

Although I am a clinical psychologist, I am not a big fan of medication as the first choice for everything (absolutely, there are times when it is life-saving, can save lives with depression or bopolar and help greatly with ADHD). And, being a client-centered (based upon the work of Carl Rogers) therapist, I believe that every person has a unique path, unique talents, a unique acorn that will grow into a unique tree.

So I started looking for a way to describe all of my child’s positive strengths to his teachers, e.g., no, he didn’t sit still, but, yes, he could do puzzles way better than most children. No, he didn’t sit still, but, yes, he could put objects together and fix machinery. No, he didn’t sit still, but, yes, he was an amazing athlete, always friendly and happy, etc.

The best tool I found was Keirsey & Bates, Please Understand Me (Prometheus Nemesis Book Co.,1984), still my favorite inexpensive, user-friendly introduction to personality differences. There is a modified version of the MBTI in the front with scoring sheet and explanations of the sixteen personality types generated.

I identified my son as an EST(F)P, an “artisan,” an “active, hands-on learner.” (see the tables included at the end of  my short article, “Jung, MBTI, and Experiential Theory”, http://www.cefocusing.com/pdf/2f1n_Jung_MBTI_Exp_Theory.pdf, for Thumbnail descriptions of each of 16 MBTI “types”). I then could use the classroom-oriented work of Thomas Armstrong (ADD/ADHD Alternatives in the Classroom, ASCD, 1999) and Howard Gardner’s Multiple Intelligences theory and many other tools to fight for active, hands-on learning options for my child at school.

As a single mom, I also started to apply the MBTI to my understanding of relationships. At one point, thinking I had honed in on the problem, I posted newspaper “personal ads” saying I was looking for an “NF” (iNtuitive Feeler) partner. I found one, and it didn’t work out! Maybe we were too similar!

Instead, I found an ISTJ partner, a wonderful compliment to my INFJ  type. Right from the beginning, I shared MBTI understandings with him.  We knew we shared an Introverted (I)love of quiet alone time and a Judging (J) love of organization and structure. His Sensing (S), reality-oriented common sense balances my iNtuitive (N) “sixth sense” global  imagination. His Thinking (T) ability to be objective and analytical actually complements and balances my Feeling (F) ability to be subjective, relational, and empathic.

However, without the MBTI understanding of our difference, we might have floundered, him finding me “overly emotional, ” me finding him “overly intellectualized,” him finding me “unrealistic,” me finding him “boring and mundane.” 

As a “mature” couple (he on his third marriage, I my second), perhaps we had also realized that compromise, appreciation, and mutual respect for difference were key to continuing relationship. We discussed how our former spouses, both P’s, had brought spontaneity and fun, but also lateness and disorganization that we couldn’t tolerate.

What does the MBTI understanding do for you? When your child or partner does something that makes you think, “This person must be from a different planet,” or “This person is crazy,” or “This person is evil,” looking at MBTI differences can help you see that, yes, this person is radically different from you, but he is like a whole lot of other people, a whole “type” of people with unique talents and unique “gifts” to bring to the table.

A few examples:

I am rushing to get my son to the bus for a winter retreat with his church group, up on a mountain. Arriving early (which, as a J, I like to do), I look down and see that, on his feet, he has no socks and flipflops, his only shoes for the trip. I am screaming at him as I rush home for “appropriate shoes,” “How could you……?!!!!!” Then, I realize, for someone who is “spontaneous, lives-in-the-moment, is the life of the party,” thinking ahead to a snow-covered mountain was just not in his repertoire.

One of my husband’s former wives gave him this reason when, after 15 years, announcing “out of the blue” that she was leaving him: “Remember that time we were moving, and I wanted to stop to say goodbye to friends (F) and you said we couldn’t, we had to stay on schedule so we could return the van on time(TJ) ? That’s why.”

When I am caught up in too much feeling (F), my husband can steady the ship with an “objective analysis” of what is happening (T).

Enough for today. Main point: people really are different and, rather than hate them for it, embrace these many “gifts” by using tools like the MBTI.

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By Kathy McGuire, October 13, 2007 5:45 pm

PDF: FOCUSING INTUITIVO: DESTREZA BASICA

 Pausing To Ponder

Intuitive Focusing  is one-half of the two Core Skills of the Creative Edge Focusing ™ Model.  Intuitive Focusing can be used any time to find out what is bothering you or to articulate an intuitive “inkling” into a creative idea or solution.

Intuitive Focusing is a predictable, step-wise method for sitting with the vague, wordless intuitive sense of something that is “more than words”….something you can’t quite put your finger on or put into words, but something definitely determining your behavior or how you feel……

Intuitive Focusing can be used not just for personal problem-solving but for sitting with The Creative Edge of anything: creation of art or writing, an exciting professional problem to solve, a good feeling that has a spiritual edge…

Here are just a few situations where pausing for some minutes of Intuitive Focusing can provide a way forward:

• You have a “gut feeling” of  exactly what problem you want to work on, but you don’t have any words or images to describe it.
• Your boss hands you a problem to solve out of the blue, and you have no idea where to begin, how to approach it.
• You are “stuck” on a creative project, “blocked,” no inspiration about where to go next.
• You know that something is bothering you, your whole body is tense, you can’t sleep, but you have no idea what the problem is.
• You have an“inkling,” an “intuition,” (see Gladwell, Blink, 2005) but you can’t put it into words.
• You have a “hunch” about what to do, an action you want to take, but you can’t verbalize any reasons to justify it.
• You wake up with the “feel” of a forgotten night-time dream.
• You have a wonderful feeling of well-being, a “spiritual” feeling, and you would like to spend more time with it, finding a way to describe it.
• You have an uncomfortable feeling after an interaction with someone, but you don’t know exactly what it is about, so you don’t know what to do about it.
• You know exactly what you want to do but find yourself blocked, unable to move forward.
• You might have no feelings, no creative ideas. You feel like a flat piece of concrete.
• You feel totally stressed out, confused, overwhelmed….

Learn all about Intuitive Focusing and its partner skill, Focused Listening at www.cefocusing.com Check out Core Concepts area and also, in the Home page sidebar, Instant “Ahah!” Focusing: Find Out What is Bothering You as an exercise you can try right now. Our e-newsletter and e-support group (join in the homepage sidebar) will support you in learning and practice listening/focusing step-by-step.