Posts tagged: equal sex


By , November 6, 2007 3:55 am


Please check the archive Category: Sex to catch up on some ground rules and previous suggestions for collaborative edge sexuality, untangling desire, negotiating as equals for mutual satisfaction.

Now, let’s say you are aiming at three dates/week. Perhaps once or twice a month, hopefully you can set aside a longer time, free of children and interruptions, to luxuriate in even more novelty and intimacy.

Sex-y board games, bought at a sex store or, I imagine, online, are one way to “do something different.”  The good ones introduce the surprise of novelty, but they also include great “foreplay,” actual question-and-answer games which increase communication and intimacy.

Inexpensive: You can buy “Coupon books” for a few dollars, with coupons your lover can exchange for a massage, a strip tease, a videotaping opportunity, etc., etc.

Medium: The Sex Game

You get a fold-out board which is basically a house plan, with squares labelled Garage, stairwell, front door, living room, bedroom, back door, laundry room, hall, bathroom, kitchen…well, you get the idea. That is novelty.

Then, there is a six-sided die, with the following labels: Solo, 69,Extras, Oral, Massage, Fondle.  Then one person rolls a die, asks more specifically if the other would perform a specified act in a certain way, and, within two minutes, receives whatever comes up in the room the die landed on…

More expensive( $25-55) : ForePlay: A Game For Lovers

This is a good example of a sex-y boardgame. There are pieces to move around a board to a goal by rolling dice. When landing on a space, a player draws either a “Key” card or a “Heart” card.

Key cards consist of questions that each lover will answer, just great questions to increase communication and intimacy: “What was your first sexual experience?”,”How would you like to spend a dream weekend?”, “What stategies do you use to overcome jealousy?”, “Are you proud of your partner? Explain how.” You will find yourselves considering and answering questions about each other that have never come up before.

Heart cards are about carrying out specific sexual activities, from “Sit and stare into each others eyes for 5 minutes” to “Massage your lovers feet” to  — well, most anything you can imagine. Each lover simply collects Heart cards.

At the end of the game, the winner gets to arrange their Heart cards in the order they would like their lover to carry them out.

Well, since we are talking about equality and collaboration, it certainly would be allowed to then switch roles, and even let the loser have their Heart’s desire.

Three more interesting board games :

Kamasutra: A Game for Lovers on Their Journey to Ecstasy.

In this one, instead of saving “Action Cards” until the end, each space on the game board describes actions to be taken, and cards drawn include more intimate and sexy actions to take, including Position cards –these are saved until the end… Anyone has the right of refusal or renegotiation.

A Lover’s Touch: A Romance Game For Your Body, Mind, Spirit

Much the same as Kamasutra.

Wildly Sexy Dares: The Game of Naughty Adventures For Couples Who Think They’ve Done It All

I’d say this is a game for the more Extroverted among us! Competition is the name of the game, with Daring Adventures carried out throughout the week and throughout the world — in restaurants, stores, at friends’ houses, at the movies.

Players accumulate cards, some to be carried out immediately (each player draws as many stick  figures of a couple in different sexual positions as they can– Points to the winner; go through magazines and make a sexy collage, using as many first letters in the alphabet as you can)and some throughout the week (in a restaurant, spill water in your partner’s crotch and then wipe it up; hide a sexy photo of yourself in your partner’s briefcase). Competition and points gathered for a Grand Prize (like a weekend away).

Remember, the every-day ground work for Intimacy/ Sensuality/ Sexuality is laid in the use of the many Listening/Focusing tactics included in the Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (“Ajas Instantaneos” in the Spanish translation) available from Creative Edge Focusing (TM).

 You get that as a free download for subscribing to our e-newsletter at , in the sidebar. Or, you can just look it up under Articles in the Free Resources section!

I especially recommend, daily, “Ahah!” #8. Sharing Your Day: Instant Intimacy ; “Ahah!” #3. Passive Listening: Stop Arguments with partners, children, coworkers; “Ahah! #2. Active Listening: Short-circuit angry confrontations.

And, I hope you will choose to learn our core self-help skills, Intuitive Focusing at and Focused Listening at and, perhaps, decide to start your own Listening/Focusing Practice and Support Group using our Self-Help Package ( or to take a class or workshop to learn the Focusing Partnership method (

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

Unequal Desire? Make Self-Satisfaction Completely OK

By , October 15, 2007 2:09 pm

Collaborative Edge Sexuality: Negotiation Among Equals For Win/Win Solutions

 In Unequal Desire? Try Erotic Massage a few days ago,   I spoke about unequal sexual desire and making three dates per week, starting with massage for the weary, if need be— Un-“Coupling” Desire and Satisfaction But what if desire is still unequal? What if one partner would happily have sex every day; the other much less frequently— What if your partner gets turned on just watching you undress for bed – and you are only thinking of going to sleep? You are not responsible for satisfying your partner’s desire—but, you should also not stand in the way.  Self- Satisfaction needs to become completely accepted, not to be hidden or scorned—It can be celebrated by the other, even if the other only wants minimal participation, or none—and, sometimes, it might surprise the other with their own desire— Only do what feels “okay” —but don’t be stopped by society’s “taboos” Check with your “intuitive feel,” your “felt sense” of each new situation (learn Intuitive Focusing at While your lover self-satisfies, might you be willing to do a slow strip-tease?—or dance for your lover?—or tease them with a feather boa?—or a touch on the inner thigh? Perhaps you are only willing to sit in a provocative pose while you read your book—or, perhaps, this day, you would rather leave and go check your email—or go to sleep—or perhaps your partner would rather go out into the garden, in company of the night sounds and breezes— Then or at another time, share from your “felt sensing” about “self-satisfaction.” We all have a lot of past history, taboos, and also sensuous experiences to share. 

Sharing Sets The Stage And Keeps The Curtain Open

At Creative Edge Focusing (TM), , you can download the free Instant “Ahah!” manual, in the sidebar after subscribing to our e-newsletter, but also in Free Resources under Long Articles. It gives you ten simple exercises you can incorporate into your every day life. Use Instant “Ahah!” #8, “Sharing Your Day: Instant Intimacy” to keep the door to further intimacy open. Use Instant “Ahah!” #3, “Passive Listening: Stop arguments” for five-minute uninterrupted turns to communicate about sex or anything else. Visit to learn about Intuitive Focusing, Focused Listening, and how to use Focusing Partnership turns and Interpersonal Focusing turns for ongoing communication and conflict resolution.Okay, I’m nervous about posting this, but, if you have comments, out with them!Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops 

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director Creative Edge Focusing (TM)www.cefocusing.comThe site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way 

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