CE Focusing Blog

relationships | closeness, communication, Conscious Loving, Conscious Relationship, Creative Edge Focusing, Empathy, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, Getting The Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, Imago, increasing sensuality and sexuality, intimacy, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, sharing, The Way of Relationship

“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY DAY”: RE-EVALUATION CO-COUNSELING

By Kathy McGuire, April 2, 2008 2:06 pm

“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY DAY!”

“I hate my job! I hate my life!”

Many people feel like they hate their job, and will say, when asked to participate in “Sharing Your Day”: “I hate my job! The last thing I want to do when I get home is talk about it!” and go off for a drink and TV, or some other diversion, something that helps them avoid talking about their day.

I think it is obvious that this is a big problem, not only in terms of increasing intimacy, but also in terms of the health and happiness of that person, as well as the relationship.

If a person is that unhappy in their job, then something needs to be done about it. And perhaps the first step on that path is to begin talking, begin “Sharing Your Day” with their partner. Through talking, without interruption or judgment, something new can happen, a new possible action step arise.

Talking without being interrupted allows automatic access to The Creative Edge, the “intuitive feel” from which new possibilities can arise. So, painful though it may seem, the first step to a new, happier life can be the simple “Sharing Your Day.”

Re-evaluation Co-Counseling: Just Telling Your Story Is Healing

In a form of peer counseling called Reevaluation Co-Counseling (click this link to find lots of information on actually trying out “RC” http://www.rc.org/), the main “intervention”is simply “Warm, caring, non-judgmental attention.” The two people sit close enough so that they can hold hands. The Listener simply looks into the Speaker’s eyes with “warm, caring, non-judgmental attention.” Each person took an equal turn as Speaker and Listener, anywhere from 20 minutes to one hour turns.

The Speaker starts with their earliest memories and just tells the story of their life, looking into the Listener’s eyes. As they tell their memories, the Speaker welcomes and allows any manifestation of emotion or tension discharge. In the founder, Harvey Jackin’s, list of forms of discharge, are shaking as a discharge of fear, laughing as a discharge of light fear (embarrassment, shame), yawning as a discharge of boredom, crying as a discharge of hurt and pain. For the first several months (or perhaps the first year?!), this is all that was done. The Speaker tells their memories over and over, as long as more emotions are being discharged. New memories arise and are healed through emotional discharge. Listeners eventually also learn other “interventions” to help Speakers get out of stuck patterns and into emotional discharge, but “warm, caring, non-judgmental attention” is the main one.

See if you can start “Sharing Your Day.” Nonjudgmental listening, no interruptions is key! If you and your partner want to add holding hands and looking into each others’ eyes, give it a try. Read up on RC at http://www.rc.org and try out these simple peer counseling skills.

If either partner’s pain is so great that “Sharing Your Day” is absolutely not possible, then professional help can be sought. Click here to read about Focusing-Oriented Therapy (FOT). Visit The Focusing Institute under Learning Focusing to find both FOTs and Focusing Teachers who can help you get started in the geographical search section under Learning Focusing.

“How Do I Find A Life Partner?”

In the original Changes group, any person could have a “team” of Listening/Focusing peer helpers to help them solve a difficult life problem or write a book, whatever. I had a “team” to meet with me and plan how I was going to find a life-partner.

And we carried out the plan: with my team’s support, I presented on Listening/Focusing at the Association For Humanistic Psychology in Chicago that year, and I also went to a presentation that Eugene Gendlin, creator of Focusing, was doing there. The idea: maximize the statistical probability of finding a Focusing-Oriented person to relate to. And, at the Gendlin presentation, I saw him. And, at my presentation, I met his friend. And —eventually, I married him, even though he lived in Canada —

So, I thought, “How about a Focusing Singles Network—- something like ‘speed dating,’ where you get to meet a lot of people, a few minutes each, but, of course, we could just use the Changes meeting format: Check In (introduction of self), then, perhaps, a Round Robin of short listening/focusing turns — well, really, just Check -In might be sufficient?” , just each person saying a little by way of introduction.

Anyway, someone could organize it FOR A FEE or for fun and run it as a phone free conference call or locally…I know, it might sound crazy, but, really, finding a Focusing-Oriented significant other, when you are Introverted like many of us, can be really difficult —- of course, this model could be developed locally, or regionally (would be ideal to have them in different languages, in different countries). Anyway, this is the seed of an idea.

Also, likely there might be a separate Focusing Gay Singles Network, or maybe address this issue in the introductions? I know for many gays it is difficult to somehow find out who in a group is also gay…a lot of difficult undercover work unless this is addressed directly somehow.

Lori Ketover is also starting to use a Focusing Support Group model to introduce small groups of people to each other by phone in order to find partners for Focusing Partnership through the Focusing Institute Focusing Partnership program — just hearing someone’s voice, seeing how they do listening/focusing, seems to really help some people match up. So, why not extend this idea to more conscious matching up of Focusing Singles?

Otherwise, my best advice to find a Focusing-oriented life-partner is to attend Focusing workshops, conferences, presentations, in your area and internationally, do presentations, participate on e-lists — I started an interesting long-distance relationship when I met someone at a Focusing International in Chicago, and he lived in California, me in Oregon.

Although, I met my present life-partner through the persistent efforts of a friend who was a business professor — and kept introducing me to business professors — and I have taught him Listening/Focusing since we married.

Download complete Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, in English and Spanish, from CEF Website

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

relationships | closeness, communication, Conscious Relationship, Creative Edge Focusing, Empathy, Harvey Jackins, healing self-esteem, increasing sensuality and sexuality, intimacy, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, RC, RE-EVALUATION CO-COUNSELING, sharing

FROM INCREASED INTIMACY TO INCREASED SEXUALITY

Self-Satisfaction To Equalize Desire

By Kathy McGuire, March 31, 2008 2:31 pm

Setting Up “Dates” To Insure Opportunity

Instant “Ahah!” # 8: “Sharing Your Day” (link to blog with exercise) will increase intimacy, sensuality, the desire for sexual closeness. However, even in the best of relationships, keeping sexuality alive seems to be aided by “making dates,” setting up specific times as protected space for sexual intimacy.

Remember, within a set up time, you can be as spontaneous as you want. Some people may find a certain routine creates a ritual “Sacred Space,” for others it may be important that “anything can happen.” However, once the early romance is over, and especially when jobs and children and chores and TV can gobble up all available time, it is important to set up “dates” (just like when you were first getting to know each other) which guarantee an opportunity for sexual intimacy to arise.

The longer couples go without having sex, the harder it can become to bridge that gap. And having sex really does increase intimacy for some people, rather than the other way around (increased intimacy increasing sexual desire). So, many couples find that aiming for two to three sexual encounters per week, along with daily”Sharing Your Day,” can be optimum for keeping the sexual channel open in the midst of busy lives.

Even including lighting candles, starting music, doing massage to increase sensuality, 45 minutes to an hour can be plenty of time for a wonderful sexual encounter. In the beginning, it may be important to allow more time to take away pressure. But having a wonderful, memorable “date” takes little enough time that couples can make a commitment to fit that time into their schedules.

Erotic Equality: Untangling Sexual Desire

So, one partner might say, “Two to three times a week! But I hardly ever feel like having sex!” and the other might say, “Two or three times a week! That is nowhere near enough times to meet my need!” And upon this difference in sexual desire many relationships have foundered.

Here are some possible solutions. They are based in the ideas of equality and negotiation basic to the entire Creative Edge Focusing model. However, for some people, they may break sexual taboos, so, if you are uncomfortable with these suggestions, feel free to stop reading! These are all links to Dr. McGuire’s blogs:

Erotic Massage To Increase Desire

Learning Self-Satisfaction

Sensitivity To Issues Of Sexual Abuse

Increasing Intimacy With Sexy Board Games

Please read entire blog entries on Conflict Resolution and Relationships in order to place Intimacy and Sensuality/Sexuality within the broader range of self-help skills of Empathic Listening and Intuitive Focusing and Interpersonal Focusing which are taught at Creative Edge Focusing (TM), www.cefocusing.com .

Intimacy comes from clear, open communication, and Listening/Focusing skills allow that communication. See Conscious Relationship Interest Area on the website for a full introduction to Dr. McGuire’s model for The Way of Relationship.

Download complete Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, in English and Spanish, from CEF Website

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

relationships, sex | closeness, communication, Conscious Relationship, Creative Edge Focusing, Empathy, increasing sensuality and sexuality, intimacy, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, sharing

INSTANT INTIMACY: SHARING YOUR DAY, FINDING YOUR PARTNER FASCINATING!

By Kathy McGuire, March 29, 2008 4:05 pm

Catch up on this cycle: Instant Intimacy Introduction Week One blog

Kathy’s Experiences:

So, this week my husband and I shared every day, using Instant “Ahah!” #8, as we always do. We shared in front of the fireplace, or by candle light, in the hottub, etc. We had a glass of wine, 20-40 minutes usually, shorter when we had spent the day together anyway. One night we had more wine, more conversation, and ended up in passionate love-making (this in addition to our “planned dates” for love making, a concept which I will introduce in next week’s e-newsletter).

Mind you, we have a 17-year old handicapped daughter who needs almost constant supervision. We put her on the treadmill or sat her down with her meal or set up a good movie. We used to do this with two children at home, one a teen with ADHD needing constant homework supervision. We still did it.

My husband gets up at 5:30AM to get my daughter to the bus, commutes an hour to and from a very responsible job, gets home around 5PM, we usually start sharing by 6PM, before dinner. He looks forward to it even more than I. We’ve been doing it for over 10 years (I had been divorced once, he twice. I said, “If we don’t do this, we will likely get divorced. He believed me.)

I know all about his job: the assessment committee he chairs, peer review evaluations, the Faculty Senate, the new dean and new department chair, faculty leaving and being hired, interpersonal dynamics among staff, his own plans for retiring, the courses he designs and runs, his 200 students and how their personal concerns enter into his teaching.

Mind you, he is a professor of business and, when we began, I actually had a prejudice against business, finding it “meaningless.”

I also know a lot about how wood twists if not used right away, why he uses screws instead of nails when making decks, the ins and outs of various light bulb choices, how many trips to the home center it takes to find just the right piece to fix a toilet or dripping sink, etc.

I also know all about the many “bells and whistles” on his new car, his excitement about them, what he is learning from reading the manual, what he learns from reading lots of manuals for cars, boats, computers, etc., which we have. I never read manuals.

Actually, there were years when I thought his day was too boring, that he should be a “deeper person” like me, be doing something more “meaningful.” (He is a Sensor on the MBTI, very tied to present reality through the five senses, an ISTJ Guardian, a Beaver; I am an Intuitive, tied to the sixth sense, an INFJ Idealist, a Dolphin. See Personality Tests at Creative Edge Focusing so you and your partner can take them). Then, I began to tackle my own inferior Sensing, learning how to deal with accomplishing things in reality. As I became more “boring” myself, I gained more respect for his way. And he learns about “intuition” from me.

He reminds me of intimate moments we have had which come back to him. He catches me up on his family in Holland and Oregon, interactions with our daughter’s teachers and other staff. He tells me how beautiful I am. Etc.

Actually, I just thought it would be quite difficult for him or anyone else doing “Sharing Your Day” to be having an affair and not telling, or to be keeping other secrets. We look into each other’s eyes while sharing.

Don’t most affairs happen because the Other Person “listens to me,” “finds me interesting, special,” as well as more sex? Let’s think of “Sharing Your Day,” and the increased intimacy leading to more sexuality it provides, as “Anti-Affair Innoculation”!

I’d be interested to know what my husband would tell you about me from our “Sharing Your Day.”: my night-time dreams, hypochondri -ical body sensitivities, the interpersonal interactions in the 10 organizations I belong to and 10 e-discussion lists, my website marketing learnings and hassles and problems, the battles I am fighting to make the world a better place (there are always several), my worries about our son’s little family, where I went shopping and what I bought, my gardening endeavors, etc., etc.

If you aren’t already, please get to know your significant other in this intimate way. Sensuous and sexual intimacy will follow.

Use what we are learning in the Interpersonal Focusing series in this cycle (see recent blogs under Conflict Resolution), as well as the Complete Focusing Session on Articulating Positive Experiences to help you if you are “stuck.” And Instant “Ahah!” #1 to work on “What is in the way?” in terms of finding a partner or getting your existing relationship back on track.

INSTANT INTIMACY, FINDING PARTNERS, DEEPENING SENSUALITY : The “Sharing Your Day” Exercise Itself

This four weeks, the exercise is to be done between committed partners, friends, family members. It is a basis for keeping intimacy alive in long-term relationships. I will also share what I know about how this intimate sharing can carry over into increased sensuality/sexuality.

But I will also teach what I know about finding a Focusing-Oriented partner.

Here is the basic exercise. It is extremely simple. Perhaps you are already doing this with your significant other. Perhaps all you have to say is “Let’s try this,” and you and your partner will make it happen. However, perhaps it will seem impossible to get from where you are now to this kind of sharing. Or maybe you don’t even have a significant other. We will spend four weeks working on overcoming these obstacles! For today, read with your significant other, if you have one, and start practicing as many days of the week as you can.

If you don’t have a significant other, or you can’t imagine bringing this idea up with yours, you can begin using Instant “Ahah!” #1, Focusing: Find Out What Is Bothering You to explore the “felt sense” of this whole issue for you, look at “What is in the way—?”,” and look for a possible first step:

Instant “Ahah!” # 8 :Sharing Your Day : Instant Intimacy

© Kathleen McGuire, Ph.D., 2007
Creative Edge Focusing ™
www.cefocusing.com

Time = Love

     With your significant other: Every day, and I mean religiously, set aside about 40 minutes to sit down and “share your day.” Get a drink or a snack or go in the hot tub -an uninterrupted space away from other family members. It might only take 20 minutes, but it is ideal to have plenty of time available.

     At a separate time, you can also do this with your children, each person having an uninterrupted turn.

Just Warm, Silent Attention: No Interruptions, No Criticism

      Each person gets to talk without interruption, refreshing in his/her own mind and describing to the other the events of the day, usually in chronological order, often starting with the night before: anxieties, dreams. The speaker gets to share every event of the day which rises to consciousness, no matter how trivial it seems. This can easily take about twenty minutes

     The other person simply listens quietly, not saying a word (Well, maybe an occasional “Wow!” or “How interesting!” or “Oh, no!” or “Yikes!”).

    Then, when the first speaker is done, it is the other person’s turn – same deal: No interruptions, no opinions, no judgments.

No Problem Solving

     And no problem solving. At least initially, save problem solving for another time, or do it before or after. Too easily, problem solving can eat up the sharing space, and intimacy is lost. Problem solving can also bring up conflicts, not wanted in this sharing space. And fear of problem solving can make people dread sharing time, instead of looking forward to this peaceful, intimate lull in a busy day.

Intimacy = Sharing

     That’s it!!! You will thoroughly understand what your significant other does all day, the frustrations, the tedium, the other people in his or her world, the small joys, the conflicts, the stresses, the successes, the low points, the high points. And each person will feel that their life is valid and valuable, no matter how trivial or repetitious it may seem to be.

     Over time, you will get to know each other intimately, and this intimacy will carry over into other areas of your shared life. Intimacy increases sensuality and sexuality between partners. Intimacy also leads children to turn to their parents when needing help.

     Instant “Ahah!” s 2 and 3 show how to use both passive and active listening for problem solving. But, here, you are using passive listening simply to let your partner or child be the center of attention. At the same time, the speaker becomes the “center of attention” to him- or her-self, taking the time to fully receive his or her day.

Download complete Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, in English and Spanish, from CEF Website

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

relationships | closeness, communication, Conscious Relationship, Creative Edge Focusing, Empathy, increasing sensuality and sexuality, intimacy, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, sharing

INSTANT INTIMACY, FINDING PARTNERS, DEEPENING SENSUALITY

Comments (2)

By Kathy McGuire, March 28, 2008 1:38 pm

Instant “Ahah!” #8: Instant Intimacy: Sharing Your Day

This four weeks, the exercise is to be done between committed partners, friends, family members. It is a basis for keeping intimacy alive in long-term relationships. I will also share what I know about how this intimate sharing can carry over into increased sensuality/sexuality.

But I will also teach what I know about finding a Focusing-Oriented partner.

Here is the basic exercise. It is extremely simple. Perhaps you are already doing this with your significant other. Perhaps all you have to say is “Let’s try this,” and you and your partner will make it happen. However, perhaps it will seem impossible to get from where you are now to this kind of sharing. Or maybe you don’t even have a significant other. We will spend four weeks working on overcoming these obstacles! For today, read with your significant other, if you have one, and start practicing as many days of the week as you can.

If you don’t have a significant other, or you can’t imagine bringing this idea up with yours, you can begin using Instant “Ahah!” #1, Focusing: Find Out What Is Bothering You to explore the “felt sense” of this whole issue for you, look at “What is in the way—?”,” and look for a possible first step:

instant “ahah!” 8

Sharing Your Day : Instant Intimacy

© Kathleen McGuire, Ph.D., 2007
Creative Edge Focusing ™
www.cefocusing.com

Time = Love

     With your significant other: Every day, and I mean religiously, set aside about 40 minutes to sit down and “share your day.” Get a drink or a snack or go in the hot tub -an uninterrupted space away from other family members. It might only take 20 minutes, but it is ideal to have plenty of time available.

     At a separate time, you can also do this with your children, each person having an uninterrupted turn.

Just Warm, Silent Attention: No Interruptions, No Criticism

      Each person gets to talk without interruption, refreshing in his/her own mind and describing to the other the events of the day, usually in chronological order, often starting with the night before: anxieties, dreams. The speaker gets to share every event of the day which rises to consciousness, no matter how trivial it seems. This can easily take about twenty minutes

     The other person simply listens quietly, not saying a word (Well, maybe an occasional “Wow!” or “How interesting!” or “Oh, no!” or “Yikes!”).

    Then, when the first speaker is done, it is the other person’s turn – same deal: No interruptions, no opinions, no judgments.

No Problem Solving

     And no problem solving. At least initially, save problem solving for another time, or do it before or after. Too easily, problem solving can eat up the sharing space, and intimacy is lost. Problem solving can also bring up conflicts, not wanted in this sharing space. And fear of problem solving can make people dread sharing time, instead of looking forward to this peaceful, intimate lull in a busy day.

Intimacy = Sharing

     That’s it!!! You will thoroughly understand what your significant other does all day, the frustrations, the tedium, the other people in his or her world, the small joys, the conflicts, the stresses, the successes, the low points, the high points. And each person will feel that their life is valid and valuable, no matter how trivial or repetitious it may seem to be.

     Over time, you will get to know each other intimately, and this intimacy will carry over into other areas of your shared life. Intimacy increases sensuality and sexuality between partners. Intimacy also leads children to turn to their parents when needing help.

     Instant “Ahah!” s 2 and 3 show how to use both passive and active listening for problem solving. But, here, you are using passive listening simply to let your partner or child be the center of attention. At the same time, the speaker becomes the “center of attention” to him- or her-self, taking the time to fully receive his or her day.

Download complete Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, in English and Spanish, from CEF Website

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

http://www.ruthhirsch.com

relationships | closeness, communication, Conscious Relationship, Creative Edge Focusing, Empathy, increasing sensuality and sexuality, intimacy, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, sharing

TELE-CLASSES IN LISTENING AND FOCUSING

Comments (3)

By Kathy McGuire, January 13, 2008 11:31 am

With Ruth Hirsch, Creative Edge Associate, Inner Relationship Teacher, and Certified Focusing Professional and Certifying Coordinator:

FROM THE BODY COMES OUR NEXT MOVES

A quote from Eugene Gendlin, creator of Focusing:

“The body is not just a pipeline for incoming sensory data.
It’s not a safe deposit box where you put something in
and expect to get the same thing out. There’s something more. The body can imply something new-a right next step. It’s more like you put a worm into a cocoon and get a butterfly back.”

And another from former UN Secretary-General, Dag Hammarskjold:

“The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you,
the better you will hear what is happening outside of you.”

After participating in Levels 1-4, a person can enter supervision to become a Certified Focusing Professional (Focusing Trainer or Focusing-Oriented Therapist)

Level 1: Focusing Basics: Self Guiding, and Empathic Listening

This is a great opportunity to learn the basics of Focusing: How to Focus alone & with a partner, as well as how to facilitate focusing for another focuser- And to reap the benefits of enhanced relationships with yourself and others, stress reduction, ease of decision making, and much more! All this from the comfort and safety of your own home or office.

Contact Ruth ruth@ruthhirsch.com for dates and time.

Level 2: Advanced Listening & Beginning Guiding /Facilitation
The goals of this course are to enhance the Focuser’s competence in self-guiding, and to learn advanced listening techniques, and a few guiding techniques that can deepen the Focuser’s ability to stay with present awareness. The essence of the course is learning to be an increasingly facilitative companion to the Focusing process for yourself and for others. Prerequisite: Level One with a Certified Focusing Professional.

Contact Ruth ruth@ruthhirsch.com for dates and times.

Level 3: Advanced Guiding: Basics
Beginning to learn how to facilitate a Focusing session for someone new to Focusing.
Supportive suggestions for each stage of the Focusing process will be taught.

Level 4: Advanced Guiding & Troubleshooting
In Level 3 you’ve learned the basics of facilitating (guiding,) a Focusing session for someone new to Focusing.In Level 4, you’ll learn a variety of compassionate, clear approaches to handling various possible challenges and obstacles that may arise in the Focusing process.

Some of the topics to be addressed will include working with the Inner Critic, working with action blocks and addictions; how to assist a Focuser who feels “nothing”- or “too much,” or has one part attacking or victimizing another; and what to do when deriving “meaning” seems to be illusive.

Contact Ruth ruth@ruthhirsch.com for dates and times.

Level 5: Seminar/Practicum in working with first-time Focusers
This course is an experiential workshop in introducing someone new to Focusing to this wonderful process. we will discuss and role-play how to introduce Focusing, and then each participant will have the opportunity to introduce Focusing and to guide the new Focuser in an introductory session. After the new Focuser is debriefed and leaves, there will be an opportunity to receive constructive feedback from fellow participants in the course and from the instructor.

Contact Ruth ruth@ruthhirsch.com for dates and times.

About the Trainer: Ruth Hirsch is a Certified Focusing trainer, bodyworker, and consultant based in Jerusalem, Israel. For the past 18 years she has maintained a private practice in which she works with people individually, and in groups. She is in her 13th year of teaching Focusing. In her individual work, she specializes in balancing and bringing peace, comfort, and insight to body, mind, heart and spirit. In her teaching, she delights in sharing Focusing with others as an individual life-enhancing practice, and as an adjunct to enhance the work of other healing professions.

General Info: Courses are limited to a maximum of 6 participants each. The trainings are largely experiential, and are taught in a clear, compassionate, enjoyable manner. Registration fees include the course, unlimited questions between sessions (to be answered via email or at the next class session), and a manual specific to each level. (Space permitting, those who have already taken the course and would like to review the level may do so for half price.) The course will be taught via a Conference line to a US number which will be provided before the class.

VERY IMPORTANT: To register, or for any questions, comments, or to just say hello, ruth@ruthhirsch.com .

Ruth Hirsch MSW, MPH, CMT
Focusing Trainer & Certifying Coordinator

http://www.innerrelationship.com/teachers/hirsch.html

We can never obtain peace in the world if we neglect the inner world and don’t make peace with ourselves. World peace must develop out of inner peace.
Dalai Lama

Posted for Ruth Hirsch by

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Classes and Workshops, core skills, Creative Edge Associates, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills, support groups | Focusing Classes, Gendlin's Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills, support groups, telephone class

INTEREST AREA: Education, Especially For ADHD

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, December 19, 2007 10:59 am

Core Concepts

1. Educating for human literacy: “Emotional” and “Social” Intelligence

Specific to the Creative Edge Focusing™ model, the core “human literacy” skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening can be integrated into education along with the traditional literacy of reading, writing, and arithmetic.

Basic to the many aspects of “emotional” and “social” intelligence outlined in Daniel Goleman’s books, Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence, Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, the core of the PRISMSS Problem Solving Process, are two simple, self-help skills that everyone can learn. They translate into every sphere of home and work life, from personal growth and creativity to interpersonal relationship and conflict resolution to collaborative work in groups and teams to problem solving in our local, national, and global communities.

Through The Creative Edge Pyramid of seven applied methods , every student can learn, in about forty hours of instruction and in preschool through post-graduate education, how to:

Create new ideas
Change problem behaviors
Listen to another

Resolve interpersonal conflicts
Start a support group
Build supportive community

Create win/win decisions in groups
Create innovative solutions
Motivate others for collaborative action

Basic philosophy: Each child has a unique inner blueprint. Education serves, not to fill the child with “content,” but to facilitate the unfolding of his or her unique interests and talents and to teach communication, team-work, and creative problem-solving skills.
See also Interest Area: Positive Parenting

2. Creative Edge Education is active, hands-on, always striving to engage The Creative Edge of each child

In Creative Edge Organizations, every worker is engaged at the Creative Edge of their own “intuitive felt sensing,” their specific motivating passion of the moment. So, too, in Creative Edge Education, each student should be actively engaged, actively interested, actively motivated to create out of their own Creative Edge, their own “intuitive sensing.”

In Business Schools, at the undergraduate and graduate level, hiring companies want employees skilled in working in collaborative teams. They have pushed professors from passive lecturing to aiding students to work in groups and teams. Students work on real-life, hands-on projects, including computer-generated business simulation “games” as well as actual business projects.

So, too, in our elementary and secondary education, if we want to educate future workers for creativity and innovation, students need to be taught to be active learners, to be engaged at their Creative Edge, and to work in groups and teams on collaborative, real-life projects. Read More about Focusing in Education.

Download Dr. McGuire’s article, “Don’t Fight ‘Em, Join ‘Em: Community-Wide Intervention for ADHD, School Failure, and Juvenile Delinquency”.

Learn more about Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening and Experiential Focusing Therapy at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.

See actual demonstrations of Listening/Focusing in our Self-Help package, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing, subscribe to our free e-newsletter for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group, Creative Edge Practice, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.

Find classes/workshops/phone coaching in our Listings section or Coaching/Classes/Consulting with Dr. McGuire

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

ADHD, Business, core skills, Creativity, education, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, parenting, self-help skills | , ADHD, creative edge education, Creativity, educating for ADHD, educating for creativity, education, Focusing, fostering creativity, fostering independence, Gendlin, LISTENING, parenting, self-help skills, teaching self-reliance

Interest Area: Conscious Relationships

By Kathy McGuire, December 13, 2007 3:05 pm

The Way of Relationship

Intimate relationships can be seen as a spiritual path, The Way of Relationship. Relationships can be a self-therapy. Relationships will point up your “blind spots” or “shadow sides” more effectively (or shall I say more quickly, anyway!) than psychotherapy.

The Way of Relationship can be practiced between lovers. The experiences of empathy which arise during the exchange of Listening/Focusing turns lead to increased emotional and physical intimacy.

The Way of Relationship can also be practiced between friends or in a spiritual or other community. The experiences of empathy, of individual uniqueness as well as common humanity common in Listening/Focusing Exchanges, can be a spiritual experience of the love called Agape, or Buber’s “I-Thou” vs. “I-It” relationship.

Harville Hendrix’ book, Getting The Love You Want, was an early one stating that it’s okay for your relationship to be “therapy.” We are attracted to people who have the capacity to heal us in some way, to move us on our journey toward wholeness. Hendrix calls it The Imago, a kind of template of the kind of person needed for your healing. Ideally, you will find a person enough like your parent to offer the experiences needed healing but also capable of going through this healing journey with you . At www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com , you will find more books and training programs connecting you to a network of people, through Imago Relationships International, who are committed to conscious relationship.

Gay and Kathleen Hendricks’ book, Conscious Loving: The Journey To Co-Commitment, namesthe bedrock of good relationship as complete, absolute, and utter honesty at all times. This book and their many other books and workshops through the Hendricks Institute, www.hendricks.com , give many concrete techniques and practices for conscious relationship.

Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, used in Focusing Partnerships and Interpersonal Focusing, are the bedrock self-help skills which provide a way through. They help you to stick with it when buttons get pushed. They tell you how to mine the treasure in “confrontations.” These are really confrontations with your own shadow side– the parts of yourself you can’t see – the positive aspects you devalue as well as negative aspects you do not want to accept.

The goal for everyone is “wholeness,” the integration of positive and negative shadow aspects, and we choose friends and partners who will push us toward wholeness.

Read more about Conscious Relationship, including the First Ten Steps to bring Listening/Focusing into your relationships.

Order our Self-Help Package and join our Creative Edge Practice E-Group for hands-on demonstrations and practice of Listening and Focusing self-help skills.

Subscribe to our Instant “Ahah”s E-Newsletter and immediately download our Instant “Ahah!”s Mini-Manual (Ajas Instantaneos en espanol), ten self-help practices to add to your life at home and work.

Explore using Interpersonal Focusing sessions by phone with Dr. McGuire to practice listening/focusing in sorting through relationship difficulties.

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media Self-Help training, Classes and workshops

Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)

www.cefocusing.com

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way

community building, conflict resolution, core skills, gender, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills, sex, spirituality | conflict resolution, Conscious Loving, conscious relationships, Focusing, Getting The Love You Want, Hendricks, Hendrix, Interpersonal Focusing, intimacy, LISTENING, relationship help, self-help skills, sexuality

TELE-CLASSES IN LISTENING AND FOCUSING

Comments (1)

By Kathy McGuire, November 24, 2007 3:13 pm

With Ruth Hirsch, Creative Edge Associate and Certified Focusing Professional and Coordinator:

FROM THE BODY COMES OUR NEXT MOVES
A quote from Eugene Gendlin

“The body is not just a pipeline for incoming sensory data.
It’s not a safe deposit box where you put something in
and expect to get the same thing out. There’s something more. The body can imply something new-a right next step.
It’s more like you put a worm into a cocoon and get a butterfly back.”

And another from former UN Secretary-General, Dag Hammarskjold:
“The more faithfully you listen to the voice within you,
the better you will hear what is happening outside of you.”

Level 2: Advanced Listening & Beginning Guiding (Facilitation)
3 Mondays, Dec. 10, 17, and January 7, 10 AM – 1 PM EST

Here’s an opportunity to make time for yourself during what can often be a near overwhelming pre-holiday season and to continue your focusing training at the same time! In this course, participants will enhance their own focusing skills, and will learn advanced empathic listening (reflection) techniques as well as a few important guiding (facilitation) techniques that can be helpful in deepening the Focuser’s ability to stay with what is there for them.

The essence of the course is learning to be an increasingly facilitative companion to the Focusing process for yourself and for others. Level One Focusing training with a Certified Focusing Trainer is a prerequisite for this course.

Level 1: Focusing Basics: Self Guiding, and Empathic Listening
4 Sundays, January 6, 13, 20, 27, 10 AM -12:30 PM EST

This is a great opportunity to begin to learn how to Focus alone and with a partner, as well as how to facilitate focusing for another focuser through Listening- and to reap the benefits of enhanced relationships, stress reduction, ease of decision making, and much more! All this from the comfort and safety of your own home or office.

The only pre-requisite for this course is to have a Focusing session facilitated by a Certified Focusing Trainer. I am offering sessions by phone, toll-free for residents of the US, Canada, Ireland, UK, Italy, Spain, and France.

General Info: Both courses are limited to a maximum of 6 participants each. The trainings are largely experiential, and are taught in a clear, compassionate, enjoyable manner. Registration fees include the course, unlimited questions between sessions (to be answered via email or at the next class session), and a manual specific to each level. The fee for each level is $250, payable by credit card, or US check. (Space permitting, those who have already taken the course and would like to review the level may do so for half price.) The course will be taught via a Conference line to a US number which will be provided before the class.

VERY IMPORTANT: To register, or for any questions, comments, or to just say hello, please contact Ruth directly .

If these dates and/or times (for either course) do not work for you, please let me know what would work so that your needs might be considered in future scheduling :).

—
Ruth Hirsch MSW, MPH, CMT
Focusing Trainer & Certifying Coordinator

We can never obtain peace in the world if we neglect the inner world and don’t make peace with ourselves. World peace must develop out of inner peace.
Dalai Lama

Posted for Ruth Hirsch by

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Classes and Workshops, core skills, Creative Edge Associates, Intuitive Focusing, LISTENING, self-help skills, support groups | Focusing, Focusing Classes, LISTENING, self-help skills, support groups, telephone class

ESCUCHA PASIVA: DETENGA DISCUSIONES CON LA PAREJA, LOS HIJOS O COMPAÑEROS DE TRABAJO

By Kathy McGuire, November 9, 2007 11:41 am

ESCUCHA PASIVA: SOLAMENTE MANTENERSE EN SILENCIO, ¡NO INTERRUMPIR! Esto va a ser extremadamente básico…y tal vez ¡extremadamente difícil!!! Todo lo que Ud. va a hacer es intercambiar turnos de escucha pasiva con otras personas en lugar de discutir. Estos turnos de escucha tienen que ser iguales y controlados por reloj.

Puede resultar también, una intervención extremadamente poderosa y exitosa que Ud. puede hacer en sus relaciones con las personas, así que, inténtelo por favor.

Mediante los Ajás Instantáneos del Mini Manual Gratis, nuestro paquete de Autoayuda o Consultas o Entrenamiento Telefónico, Ud. aprenderá otras destrezas poderosas de Escucha Focalizada que van más allá de la escucha pasiva. Pero, por ahora, Ud. solamente va a practicar la escucha pasiva – estar en silencio, escuchando, sin interrumpir. Intente imaginar ¡cómo sería este mundo si tan sólo todos supieran esta simple destreza de autoayuda!!!

Acuerdo sobre una Señal Durante un Momento de Paz

Puede ser de gran ayuda el tener un acuerdo previo con la otra persona para permitir intentar este proceso. Invite a sus personas significativas a leer con Ud. estas instrucciones cuando no haya una batalla de por medio – en un momento de paz, sin conflictos y vea si logran ponerse de acuerdo para intentarlo.

Seguidamente Ud. necesita estar de acuerdo con una señal que usarán cuando las papas quemen, cuando es el momento de intentar este procedimiento – alguna palabra, acción o simple gesto que uno puede usar para detener la discusión y comenzar el nuevo proceso acordado.

Así que Uds. dos necesitan estar de acuerdo en una palabra, gesto o acción que será capaz de interrumpir la discusión y traer la atención de Uds – como “¡Turnos!”, ó “¡Sillas!”, “¡Papas Fritas!” o cualquier otra cosa ridícula o algo que pueda interrumpir la intensa energía y recordar a ambos el acuerdo de intentar un TURNO DE ESCUCHA PASIVA

Marque el Tiempo y Tome Asiento

Aquí tenemos todo lo que Ud. necesita hacer- Consígase un cronómetro o un reloj para tenerlo a la mano y póngalo para marcar cinco minutos.

Tomen asiento en sillas o en el suelo, de frente, el uno al otro, pero a una distancia segura, cómoda. Comiencen entonces turnos ininterrumpidos, primero una persona habla sin interrupción hasta que se venza el tiempo; programe el cronómetro otra vez y cambien de lugar para que la otra persona hable sin interrupciones.

USE EL CRONOMETRO PARA MANTENER LOS TIEMPOS EXACTAMENTE IGUALES. NO SE PERMITE CONTACTO FISICO

Grite a una Pared en Blanco

Si inicialmente hay mucha ira, puede ayudar el que cada persona vire hacia una pared en blanco y le grite, en lugar de hacerlo a la otra persona….Es mucho más fácil escuchar el sentido de la ira de una persona cuando esta no está siendo dirigida exactamente a Ud. paralizándolo.

Mientras cada persona continúa tomando turnos, la bravata inicial seguirá su curso, y una parte más vulnerable, más creativa, más flexible aparecerá. Comenzarán a aparecer posibilidades y soluciones nuevas y creativas y hasta sentimientos cálidos hacia la otra persona.

Siga así

Sigan intercambiando turnos iguales, controlados por reloj hasta que lleguen a algún lugar. ¡Y lo harán!!! Al escuchar simplemente lo que la otra persona tiene que decir, en lugar de discutir, Ud. comenzará a comprender nuevas razones para el comportamiento o la posición de la otra persona…y esto sucederá en ambas direcciones.

Y el hablar simplemente, sin ser discutido o “corregido” le permite estar por encima de su reacción inicial y ver los significados más profundos de su respuesta al otro.

Una clave: debajo de toda furia, casi siempre hay una herida muy vulnerable, hasta lágrimas -cuando éstas salen, es muy fácil amar a la otra persona. Debajo de una víctima indefensa-con lágrimas, a menudo hay furia. Eso también, puede hacer que el comportamiento de la otra persona sea más comprensible

Precaución: ¿Necesita Ayuda Profesional?

Precaución: Si ninguno de Uds. dos está de acuerdo en dejar de discutir y tomar TURNOS DE ESCUCHA PASIVA iguales como describimos anteriormente, entonces puede haber un problema más serio que necesita ser dirigido a un profesional ya sea entrenador o consejero. Las personas no pueden permanecer iguales todo el tiempo, por lo tanto, puede haber situaciones en las que se debe utilizar ayuda profesional. La Dra. McGuire le puede indicar como proceder.

Pero, nuevamente, imagínese cómo sería el mundo si todos supieran esta simple destreza de “educación humana” y lo usara tan automáticamente como el leer y escribir para neutralizar molestas situaciones donde la ira está presente.

Estos materiales son ofrecidos solamente como destrezas de autoayuda. Al proveerlas, la Dra. McGuire no está comprometida en rendir servicios psicológicos, financieros, legales u otros. Si se necesita la asistencia o consejo de un experto, deben buscarse los servicios de un profesional competente.

Translation kindly provided by Agnes Rodriguez, Certified Focusing Professional, who offers listening/focusing training for a reasonable cost in English and Spanish. Use the Contact form at http://www.cefocusing.com/contact.php to find Agnes’ email address. (Any mistakes in transcribing translation above are mine! Kathy)

Find more Spanish translations at http://www.cefocusing.com/freedownloads/index.php

Download the entire Ajas Instantaneous Mini-Manual at http://www.cefocusing.com/pdf/Mini_Manual_Ajas_Instantaneos.pdf

Dr. Kathy McGuire

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)