{"id":775,"date":"2009-05-30T16:12:06","date_gmt":"2009-05-30T20:12:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=775"},"modified":"2009-05-30T16:12:06","modified_gmt":"2009-05-30T20:12:06","slug":"focusing-and-children-preserving-and-reclaiming-transparency","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/focusing-and-children-preserving-and-reclaiming-transparency\/","title":{"rendered":"FOCUSING AND CHILDREN: PRESERVING AND RECLAIMING TRANSPARENCY"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\t<style type=\"text\/css\">\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-775 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/focusing-and-children-preserving-and-reclaiming-transparency\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-183-800x600\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/05\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-183-800x600-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-782\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-782'>\n\t\t\t\tGrandpa&#8217;s Hats\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/focusing-and-children-preserving-and-reclaiming-transparency\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-185-800x600\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/05\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-185-800x600-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-783\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-783'>\n\t\t\t\tHappiness is Grandpa&#8217;s hats\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/focusing-and-children-preserving-and-reclaiming-transparency\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-181-800x600\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/05\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-181-800x600-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-784\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-784'>\n\t\t\t\tI am Grandpa and I am Safe\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/focusing-and-children-preserving-and-reclaiming-transparency\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-189-800x600\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/05\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-189-800x600-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-785\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-785'>\n\t\t\t\tWith Grandpa&#8217;s hat, I can go anywhere\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/focusing-and-children-preserving-and-reclaiming-transparency\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-190-800x600\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/05\/may-24-2009-doll-club-flowers-bradley-hat-190-800x600-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" aria-describedby=\"gallery-1-786\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt>\n\t\t\t\t<dd class='wp-caption-text gallery-caption' id='gallery-1-786'>\n\t\t\t\tI Can Do Anything\n\t\t\t\t<\/dd><\/dl>\n\t\t\t<br style='clear: both' \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p>Toddlers, before learning words, can be so transparent, their whole body beaming out their emotions and needs.<\/p>\n<p>First trips to the park, 16-months old, my steadily-walking toddler grandson simply sits down, in shock and awe, many times as he sees other people his size, all kinds of dogs, people stretched out on the grass. He simply cannot stand up and take in all this new information at the same time.<\/p>\n<p>Almost choking on a piece of orange, as soon as recovered from the emotional upset, he &#8220;asks&#8221; (by pointing) for another piece of orange. He tastes it, chews it carefully, a quizzical look on his face. He simply MUST determine what went wrong, master this scary and unexpected experience.<\/p>\n<p>First day in day care, he carries his jacket with him all day long, beaming out &#8220;I am reminding myself of home, I am holding on to home, I will be going home.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Uneasy about leaving his home with Dad and Great-Grandparents to spend the day with me, he insists upon taking Great-Grandpa&#8217;s hats, and wearing them for hours.<\/p>\n<p>As we develop more cognitively, our capacity to &#8220;symbolize&#8221; intervenes between our sheer emotional experiences and what we &#8220;choose&#8221; to express.<\/p>\n<p>But, still, at age seven, I could read my son&#8217;s inner experience from outer symbols. Adopted at birth, having just received his first letter and photo of his birthmom, showing her with her &#8220;new&#8221; family, husband and child, he runs from the room angrily. I find him in his room a little later, where he has unravelled several hundred feet of fishing line from the spool, creating a huge tangle all around him (this image brings tears to me now, 15 years later). Using Roger&#8217;s Empathic Listening, I can reflect him to himself: &#8220;Seems like you are feeling all tangled up inside.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>As we get older and older, and through painful life experiences saying &#8220;Don&#8217;t show yourself here. Don&#8217;t cry. Don&#8217;t show fear. Don&#8217;t even show awe and joy,&#8221; we lose &#8220;touch&#8221; with ourselves, with that transparency, so that we cannot even name our own experience to ourselves, much less authentically express it to others.<\/p>\n<p>Gendlin&#8217;s Focusing (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.focusing.org\">www.focusing.org<\/a> ) and McGuire&#8217;s <a title=\"Intuitive Focusing instructions\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/freeresources\/2a1a.php\">Intuitive Focusing<\/a>\u00a0can help you refind and reclaim your inner experiencing, allowing you to find the clarity needed to move forward in life situations<\/p>\n<p>Using Intuitive Focusing and Empathic, Reflective, <a title=\"Active, Empathic Listening described\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/freeresources\/2a1b.php\">Focused Listening<\/a>\u00a0with children can help them stay in tune with themselves and be able to express their inner experience, their emotions, wants, needs, creative ideas. See <a title=\"The Children's Corner at Focusing Institute\" href=\"http:\/\/www.focusing.org\/chfc\/index.html\">The Children&#8217;s Corner<\/a> at The Focusing Institute.<\/p>\n<p>Read a <a title=\"Book Review of Focusing With Children\" href=\"http:\/\/www.focusing.org\/docs\/focusing_with_children_review_brown_jan_2009.pdf\">book review<\/a>\u00a0of Stapert and Verleifde&#8217;s <em>Focusing With Children: The Art of Communication with Children At School and Home<\/em>\u00a0, UK: PCCS Books, 2008 and order the book from <a title=\"Focusing With Children at Focusing Institute bookstore\" href=\"http:\/\/www.focusing.org\/eShop\/10Browse.asp?category=Focusing%20Books\">The Focusing Institute bookstore<\/a>\u00a0or from <a title=\"Focusing with Children at Amazon\" href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/s\/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&amp;field-keywords=Stapert+Focusing+With+Children&amp;x=19&amp;y=15\">Amazon<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Also see Edwin M. McMahon&#8217;s <a title=\"Byond The Myth of Dominance at Amazon\" href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Beyond-Myth-Dominance-Alternative-Violent\/dp\/1556125631\/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1243711623&amp;sr=1-1\">Beyond The Myth Of Dominance<\/a>\u00a0for stories of taking a Focusing attitude with children, and McMahon&#8217;s <a title=\"Little Bird book at Amazon\" href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Little-Bird-Who-Found-Herself\/dp\/1598795384\/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1243711799&amp;sr=1-1\">The Little Bird Who Found Herself<\/a>, a colorful and simple story book for children (and adults) about &#8220;sitting with&#8221; instead of &#8220;running away from&#8221; feelings and other felt-sensing in the body.<\/p>\n<p><strong>CREATIVE EDGE FOCUSING(tm): \u00a0SELF-HELP SKILLS FOR HOME AND WORK<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Free Downloads:<\/strong><\/p>\n<div><a rel=\"attachment wp-att-153\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?attachment_id=153\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/09\/complete-focusing-instructions-manual.doc\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>Complete Focusing Instructions Manual (17 pages)<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/09\/mini_manual_-_finished_6-7-07-for-pdf.doc\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>\u201cAjas\u201d Instantaneos Mini-Manual<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Creative Edge Focusing (<\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>www.cefocusing.com<\/strong><\/span><\/a><strong> )<\/strong> teaches two basic self-help skills, <a title=\"Intuitive Focusing Instructions\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a1.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Intuitive Focusing<\/span><\/a> and <a title=\"Focused Listening instructions at CEF website\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a2.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Focused Listening<\/span><\/a>, which can be applied at home and at work through <a title=\"Creative Edge Pyramid described at CEF website\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a4.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">The Creative Edge Focusing Pyramid<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Based upon Gendlin\u2019s Experiential Focusing (<\/strong><a onclick=\"urchinTracker ('\/outbound\/article\/www.focusing.org');\" href=\"http:\/\/www.focusing.org\/\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>www.focusing.org<\/strong><\/span><\/a><strong> )\u00a0and Rogers\u2019 Empathic Listening,<\/strong> our website is packed with Free Resources and instructions in these basic self-help skills. Learn\u00a0how to build S<a title=\"Building Supportive Community at CEF Website\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1b.php\"><span style=\"color: #0066cc;\">upport Groups<\/span><\/a>, <a title=\"Conscious Relationships at CEF website\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1e.php\"><span style=\"color: #0066cc;\">Conscious Relationships<\/span><\/a>, and <a title=\"Creative Edge Organizations at CEF website\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1a.php\"><span style=\"color: #0066cc;\">Creative Edge Organizations <\/span><\/a>based upon these basic skills of emotional intelligence.<\/p>\n<p><strong>You can try out\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0<\/strong><a title=\"Focusing exercise at CEF website\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/freeresources\/2a1a.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>\u201cFocusing: Find Out What Is Bothering You.\u201d<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Subscribe e-newsletter and e-course\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/subscribe.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Click here to subscribe to\u00a0Creative Edge Focusing(TM)\u2019s \u00a0Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d e-newsletter and get the latest exercises first!!!<\/span><\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Free Intuitive Focusing e-Mini-Course\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=138\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Click here for a free Intuitive Focusing Mini-Course<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Focused Listening Mini-Course\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=141\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Click here for a free Focused Listening Mini-Course<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<strong>See \u00a0<a title=\"Conflict Resolution Mini-Course on website\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a9.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Core Concept: Conflict Resolution<\/span><\/a><\/strong><strong>\u00a0to find a complete mini-course on Interpersonal Focusing and Conflict Resolution, including Rosenberg\u2019s Non-Violent Communication, Blanchard\u2019s \u201cOne Minute Apology,\u201d Patricia Evan\u2019s books on Verbally Abuse and Controlling Relationships, McMahon\u2019s <em>Beyond The Myth Of Dominance, <\/em>and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>See\u00a0 <a title=\"Intimate Relationship Mini-Course at CEF website\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a10.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Core Concept: Intimate Relationship<\/span><\/a> to find a complete mini-course on increasing intimacy and sexuality, including the \u201cSharing Your Day\u201d exercise, Listening\/Focusing Partnerships for The Way of Relationship, untangling and equalizing desire, tantric sexuality, and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt;\"><strong>Download complete Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual, in <\/strong><a title=\"Instant Ahah! Mini Manual, English\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/freedownloads\/InstantAhahMin%20Manual.pdf\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>English<\/strong><\/span><\/a><strong> and <\/strong><a title=\"Mini-Manual Ajas Instantaneos pdf\" href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/pdf\/Mini_Manual_Ajas_Instantaneos.pdf\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>Spanish<\/strong><\/span><\/a><strong>, from CEF Website, or download from links at top of this blog.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Find links to <\/strong><a title=\"Links to Resources\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=79\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\"><strong>free articles, personality tests, multi-media\u00a0Self-Help training, Classes and workshops<\/strong><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/about\/index.php#kathy\"><span style=\"color: #0066cc;\">Dr. Kathy McGuire<\/span><\/a>, Director<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"About Creative Edge Focusing (TM)\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/about\/index.php\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">Creative Edge Focusing (TM)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/\"><span style=\"color: #b85b5a;\">www.cefocusing.com<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Toddler&#8217;s feelings are transparent. As we age and learn to symbolize through language, we can also &#8220;lose touch&#8221; with ourselves and become unable to express ourselves. Intuitive Focusing and Active, Empathic Listening can help children &#8220;stay in touch&#8221; and express themselves as they grow. Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening can also help adults to &#8220;refind&#8221; and express themselves authentically.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,116,18,1],"tags":[103,481,688,690,482,689,83,57,684,160,221,493,686,163,744,685,683,53,691,682,687],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/775"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=775"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/775\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":796,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/775\/revisions\/796"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=775"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=775"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=775"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}