{"id":59,"date":"2007-12-06T15:01:08","date_gmt":"2007-12-06T19:01:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=59"},"modified":"2007-12-06T15:01:08","modified_gmt":"2007-12-06T19:01:08","slug":"reflective-listening-when-is-a-reflection-right","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/reflective-listening-when-is-a-reflection-right\/","title":{"rendered":"REFLECTIVE LISTENING: WHEN IS A REFLECTION “RIGHT”?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is my favorite question ever!\u00a0 What is “right” in terms of a Listening Response, a Reflection? I’d love it if everyone would jump in with their answer to this question, regardless of teaching experience or just experience!\u00a0
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\nFor me, the only “right” that really matters is when the client\/Focuser says, “Yes. That is exactly right. That fits” with sighs, tension release, other signs that this is the body’s response: “Yes. That is right. It captures the ‘feel of it all’ completely.”\u00a0
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\nThe point or goal of Focusing Turns, or Focusing-Oriented Therapy (FOT) IS to empower the Focuser to gain confidence and skill in allowing answers and next steps to come from within their own experiencing of their own unique situation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO EMPOWER THE CLIENT TO TRUST THEIR OWN JUDGMENT THAN TO CONVINCE THEM OF SOMETHING THAT MAY BE THEORETICALLY “CORRECT.”
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\nCarl Rogers was so emphatic about this empowering that he would do NOTHING but reflect, not wanting to give the client any temptation to rely upon him as “expert” rather than their own inner experiencing and problem solving.
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\nSo, if a reflection\/interpretation\/evocative technique does not “fit” in the moment, does not touch the Focuser’s present felt experiencing in a way that allows carrying-forward, new next steps from inside, to unfold, draws the Focuser out into discussion, disagreement, or argument with the Listener — then, it is not “right” in this moment — although it may become “right” at a later point when the Focuser has moved forward to a new felt Edge that can take it in in a resonating way—
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\nMost everything else, I guess, is helpful or unhelpful!<\/strong>\u00a0 Helpful can be getting it “wrong” in a way that helps the Focuser say more what “it” is like: “No, it’s not that. It’s more like this—” (This can happen even when the Listener says back exactly the Focuser’s words, seemingly perfectly “right”!).
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\nHelpful is always going back, after any intervention, especially one that seemed “wrong” in terms of getting the Focuser off the track of felt-sensing, into confusion or arguing or theorizing with the Listener instead of continuing to pay attention to finding words or images for, the present “felt sense.”
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\nMy articles<\/strong> Caring Confrontation<\/a> and Focusing Inner Child Work With Abused Clients<\/a> (free PDF downloads from www.cefocusing.com<\/a> )trace my attempts to grapple with this issue, of how hard to press, how often to come back to, a “felt experiencing” I have in relation to the client which I think is “Correct” in some way but they say is not “Right.”
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\nThis is such a great question, I would invite everyone to jump in with their own answer, their own way of saying what is “right” in terms of a Listening Response.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Learn more<\/strong> about Intuitive Focusing<\/a>\u00a0and Focused Listening<\/a>\u00a0and Experiential Focusing Therapy<\/a>\u00a0at Creative Edge Focusing’s website, filled with free downloads on creativity, spirituality, collaborative thinking, parenting, innovation in business, and many other aspects of application of Focusing and Listening skills at home, at work, in your community, and globally.<\/p>\n

See actual demonstrations of Listening\/Focusing<\/strong> in our Self-Help package<\/a>, a manual in English or Spanish, four CDs of Focusing Instructions, and a DVD with four demonstrations of actual listening\/focusing sessions — everything you need to start your own Listening\/Focusing Partnership or Support Group or to incorporate these basic self-help skills into existing support groups.<\/p>\n

In the side bar at Creative Edge Focusing<\/a>, subscribe to our free e-newsletter<\/strong> for weekly reminders to practice Relaxation and Focusing exercises and join our free yahoo group<\/strong>, Creative Edge Practice<\/a>, for ongoing demonstrations, practice, and support.<\/p>\n

Find classes\/workshops\/phone coaching<\/strong> in our Listings section<\/a>\u00a0or\u00a0Coaching\/Classes\/Consulting <\/a>with Dr. McGuire<\/p>\n

Dr. Kathy McGuire<\/p>\n

Creative Edge Focusing<\/p>\n

www.cefocusing.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is my favorite question ever!\u00a0 What is “right” in terms of a Listening Response, a Reflection? I’d love it if everyone would jump in with their answer to this question, regardless of teaching experience or just experience!\u00a0 \u00a0 For me, the only “right” that really matters is when the client\/Focuser says, “Yes. That is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,14,32,10,13,11],"tags":[103,101,104,83,102,754,57,51,93,100,745],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=59"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/59\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=59"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=59"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=59"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}