{"id":58,"date":"2007-12-02T14:54:08","date_gmt":"2007-12-02T18:54:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=58"},"modified":"2008-03-19T12:20:06","modified_gmt":"2008-03-19T16:20:06","slug":"sharing-your-day-instant-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/sharing-your-day-instant-intimacy\/","title":{"rendered":"Sharing Your Day: Instant Intimacy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Time = Love<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 With your significant other: Every day, and I mean religiously, set aside about 40 minutes to sit down and “share your day.” Get a drink or a snack or go in the hot tub -an uninterrupted space away from other family members.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At a separate time, you can also do this with your children, each person having an uninterrupted turn.<\/p>\n

Just Warm, Silent Attention: No Interruptions, No Criticism<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Each person gets to talk without interruption, refreshing in his\/her own mind and describing to the other the events of the day, usually in chronological order, often starting with the night before: anxieties, dreams. The speaker gets to share every event of the day which rises to consciousness, no matter how trivial it seems. This can easily take about twenty minutes<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The other person simply listens quietly, not saying a word (Well, maybe an occasional “Wow!” or “How interesting!” or “Oh, no!” or “Yikes!”).<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Then, when the first speaker is done, it is the other person’s turn – same deal: No interruptions, no opinions, no judgments.<\/p>\n

No Problem Solving<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And no problem solving. At least initially, save problem solving for another time, or do it before or after.\u00a0 Too easily, problem solving can eat up the sharing space, and intimacy is lost. Problem solving can also bring up conflicts, not wanted in this sharing space. And fear of problem solving can make people dread sharing time, instead of looking forward to this peaceful, intimate lull in a busy day.<\/p>\n

Intimacy = Sharing<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That’s it!!!\u00a0 You will thoroughly understand what your significant other does all day, the frustrations, the tedium, the other people in his or her world, the small joys, the conflicts, the stresses, the successes, the low points, the high points.\u00a0 And each person will feel that their life is valid and valuable, no matter how trivial or repetitious it may seem to be.<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Over time, you will get to know each other intimately, and this intimacy will carry over into other areas of your shared life, including sexuality between partners and children turning to their parents when needing help.<\/p>\n

Find this exercise as #8, p. 27, in the Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual<\/a>, (Ajas Instantaneos <\/a>en espanol) free download at Creative Edge Focusing website. There, in the sidebar, you can subscribe to our e-newsletter, for weekly advice and e-reminders to try out the exercises.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Need more help getting agreement with your significant other to move into more intimate sharing? You can try Interpersonal Focusing<\/a> phone sessions<\/a>\u00a0with Dr. McGuire or find a Focusing-Oriented Therapist\u00a0\u00a0in your area through listings<\/a> at The Focusing Institute<\/strong><\/p>\n

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media\u00a0Self-Help training, Classes and workshops<\/font><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr. Kathy McGuire<\/font><\/a>, Director<\/p>\n

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

www.cefocusing.com<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Time = Love \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 With your significant other: Every day, and I mean religiously, set aside about 40 minutes to sit down and “share your day.” Get a drink or a snack or go in the hot tub -an uninterrupted space away from other family members. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At a separate time, you can also do […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,32,13,11,5],"tags":[266,95,94,93,96,91,92],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=58"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=58"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=58"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=58"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}