{"id":172,"date":"2008-10-27T14:48:40","date_gmt":"2008-10-27T18:48:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=172"},"modified":"2008-10-27T14:48:40","modified_gmt":"2008-10-27T18:48:40","slug":"listeningfocusing-ways-to-practice-active-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/listeningfocusing-ways-to-practice-active-listening\/","title":{"rendered":"LISTENING\/FOCUSING: WAYS TO PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING"},"content":{"rendered":"

Free Downloads below:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Complete Focusing Instructions Manual (17 pages)<\/a><\/p>\n

Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cAjas\u201d Instantaneos Mini-Manual<\/a><\/p>\n

Each four weeks, we practice one Instant “Ahah!,”, one Relaxation Exercise, and one Getting A Felt Sense Exercise. Our purpose: Helping you incorporate Listening and Focusing into your everyday life.
\nThis month: From Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, p. 7, #2.Active Listening: Short-Circuiting An Angry Confrontation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Several ideas for practicing Active Listening so you will have the skill ready when an angry confrontation comes your way:
\n<\/strong>
\n1. You can go to Robert Frick’s Do Focusing website’s <\/a>\u00a0area on Becoming A Better Listener and go through his step-by-step teaching program. You can try out his Focusing Program while you are there! Neither is perfect, but they are interesting first steps, computerized ways to practice and learn.<\/p>\n

2. Download the instructions from Focused Listening <\/a>\u00a0section at our website and free download of Chapter Three, Listening\/Focusing Partnership Exchange<\/a> found in links at top of that blog, and find a friend, colleague, or family member to try practicing with. Take turns, one as the Intuitive Focuser, one as the Focused Listener. This is not a big deal! Just find someone you feel comfortable with, someone, perhaps, has “intuitively” been a good listener.<\/p>\n

3. You can go to The Focusing Institute Partnership Program<\/a> to find a Listening\/Focusing Trainer near you and purchase a few beginning sessions. You can also look for a class or workshop<\/a> near you.<\/p>\n

4. You can email Agnes Rodriguez<\/a> for inexpensive phone coaching in English or Spanish and Ruth Hirsch<\/a> for phone classes.In Europe, you can email Franc Chamberlain<\/a> in Ireland and visit Barbara Rolsma’s website<\/a> in English and Dutch.You can find other Certified Focusing Professionals internationally at The Focusing Institute teacher search.<\/p>\n

5. You can purchase our Self-Help Package<\/a> and immediately download the manual in English or Spanish, CDs and DVD with demonstration sessions you can watch mailed immediately. The DVD has four demonstration Listening\/Focusing sessions you can watch, giving you an excellent grip on the actual skills.<\/p>\n

6. You can also purchase an Introductory or three-session package of Listening\/Focusing sessions with me under Coaching\/Training Sessions<\/a>, although there are many teachers less expensive than me!<\/p>\n

7. You can join the Creative Edge e-support group<\/a> from the icon on our home page and ask to practice using Reflection to someone’s Focusing turn printed there. I’ll give feedback<\/p>\n

Bottom line: please take the plunge and try out Pure Reflection with someone you know, a computer program, a Trainer, just someone!<\/p>\n

Radical Idea: Greet Anger With Empathy!!!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Please Read The Examples Again
\n<\/strong>
\nGet out your Mini-Manual and follow along with me or open Instant “Ahah!” #2, Active Listening<\/a> on the CEF website …In each of the demonstrations, somebody is really, really upset, and they are taking it out on somebody else. In fact, they come across as really, really angry.<\/p>\n

When someone comes at you with anger, it is a natural response to feel attacked and to defend yourself, to fight back without a moment’s thought.<\/p>\n

However, it may help to reframe this anger as “upsetness.” The person is feeling attacked or undermined or frustrated in some way, so they are attacking back. We can break this cycle of attack and defense if we can reframe the anger as “upsetness” and, stepping aside from reacting, simply reflect in an active listening way: “Wow! You are really upset!” “Wow! Something is really bothering you.” “Wow! Something I’m doing is upsetting you.” And, you can add, “Would you like to tell me more about that?”, but, if that doesn’t allow the person to calm down, just keep reflecting (maybe we can think of it as “deflecting” as well…trying to get the anger off of yourself so that you feel less threatened, less need to react with attack yourself).<\/p>\n

The person who is angry, who is upset, is knocked off balance. As you know yourself, this kind of angry response doesn’t feel good. It is not centered, but a reaction to the helplessness of feeling attacked or frustrated. So, by reflecting the person’s words, you can help the person to get grounded again, to get centered.<\/p>\n

Read the instructions and the examples and try to keep this immediate response of Active Listening in your back pocket, for emergency confrontations.<\/p>\n

Tell me what you think at cefocusing@gmail.com<\/font><\/a> or comment on this blog below\u00a0!<\/p>\n

Click here to subscribe to our Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d e-newsletter and get the latest exercises first!!!<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

Click here for a free Intuitive Focusing Mini-E-course<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0See\u00a0Core Concept: Conflict Resolution<\/font><\/a><\/strong>\u00a0to find a complete mini-course on Interpersonal Focusing and Conflict Resolution, including Rosenberg\u2019s Non-Violent Communication, Blanchard\u2019s \u201cOne Minute Apology,\u201d Patricia Evan\u2019s books on Verbally Abuse and Controlling Relationships, McMahon\u2019s Beyond The Myth Of Dominance, <\/em>and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n

See Core Concept: Intimate Relationship<\/font><\/a> to find a complete mini-course on increasing intimacy and sexuality, including the \u201cSharing Your Day\u201d exercise, Listening\/Focusing Partnerships for The Way of Relationship, untangling and equalizing desire, tantric sexuality, and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Download complete Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual, in <\/strong>English<\/strong><\/font><\/a> and <\/strong>Spanish<\/strong><\/font><\/a>, from CEF Website, or download from links at top of this blog.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Find links to <\/strong>free articles, personality tests, multi-media\u00a0Self-Help training, Classes and workshops<\/strong><\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

Dr. Kathy McGuire<\/font><\/a>, Director<\/p>\n

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

www.cefocusing.com<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Free Downloads below: Complete Focusing Instructions Manual (17 pages) Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual \u201cAjas\u201d Instantaneos Mini-Manual Each four weeks, we practice one Instant “Ahah!,”, one Relaxation Exercise, and one Getting A Felt Sense Exercise. Our purpose: Helping you incorporate Listening and Focusing into your everyday life. This month: From Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, p. 7, #2.Active Listening: […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[103,490,481,480,741,482,83,51,81,89,52,744,747,479,745,85,756],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=172"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/172\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=172"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=172"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}