{"id":169,"date":"2008-10-17T11:24:23","date_gmt":"2008-10-17T15:24:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=169"},"modified":"2008-10-17T11:24:23","modified_gmt":"2008-10-17T15:24:23","slug":"listeningfocusing-skills-greeting-anger-with-empathy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/listeningfocusing-skills-greeting-anger-with-empathy\/","title":{"rendered":"LISTENING\/FOCUSING SKILLS: GREETING ANGER WITH EMPATHY"},"content":{"rendered":"

Free Downloads:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Complete Focusing Instructions Manual (17 pages)<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cAjas\u201d Instantaneos Mini-Manual<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

This month: From Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, p. 7, #2.Active Listening: Short-Circuiting An Angry Confrontation.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Radical Idea: Greet Anger With Empathy!!!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

As I’ve gone through the week, I’ve realized how radical this idea and how worth saying again: “An angry person is a hurting person. Try responding with empathic understanding (Active Listening) instead of attacking back.”<\/p>\n

I guess I have become an expert on anger, hurt, and empathy because I am a person who can become really, really angry when I feel betrayed or otherwise blindsided by those that I trust. I’ve come to some understanding about this “personality style” by studying the Enneagram. Of the nine styles, I am an 8: The Challenger, The Boss. “How does an 8 Enneagram cross the river? She jumps in and starts swimming upstream.”<\/p>\n

8s are great managers and bosses, but they can also scare people with their anger, assertiveness, bluntness. As an 8, I don’t really know how to “play games,” to be indirect. Give me directness, even anger, anytime! Let me know where you are coming from. Don’t hide or seem to go behind my back. You can imagine the vicious cycle for 8 bosses: they get angry because others are being indirect, seeming to hide, going behind their back — and their anger leads the others to become more indirect, more hidden.<\/p>\n

Anyway, from a lifetime of experience, I can tell you that the angry 8 is just a hurting child underneath. While the 8 can look terribly strong and take on any battle, this strong front takes a toll. Like anyone else, the angry 8 responds to empathic understanding (see Enneagram links<\/a>\u00a0to find your own personality style).<\/p>\n

Read through the examples in Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual #2: Active Listening <\/a>again. What if the husband had attacked back when his wife came at him with anger: “Shut up! You can’t imagine what my day has been like.” Now, two people with their hackles up, attack and attack back (until one of them can respond with empathy: “Okay, I get it. You’re saying you had a really bad day and are needing some empathy and understanding.”(you can download complete chapters on the Interpersonal Focusing Protocol here<\/a>, from the links at top of page, English and Spanish.<\/p>\n

Practice Active Listening In Non-Stressful Situations<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course, in order to respond with Active Listening in an emergency, you’ll want to practice it in less stressful situations until it can become an automatic response. You can do this through our Self-Help Manual and Demonstration DVD. And you can also learned Active (or Empathic or Focused) Listening as part of a Listening\/Focusing Level l class. See Resources for teachers below<\/p>\n

Self Help Package<\/strong><\/p>\n

To really learn about Reflection, read Focused Listening<\/a> at Creative Edge Focusing (TM). To begin practice in a serious way, purchase The Self Help Package<\/a>, a manual,CDs, and a DVD with four Listening\/Focusing Sessions you can study. The manual will help you to find at least one other, and, hopefully, a small group with whom you can start a Focusing Community, supporting each other as you practice Listening and Focusing.<\/p>\n

E-Support Group<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you haven’t, also use the sidebar icon at Creative Edge Focusing<\/a> to join the e-support group so you can share your experiences, ask questions, and participate in demonstrations. \u00a0<\/p>\n

Tell me what you think at cefocusing@gmail.com<\/font><\/a> or comment on this blog below\u00a0!<\/p>\n

Click here to subscribe to our Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d e-newsletter and get the latest exercises first!!!<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

Click here for a free Intuitive Focusing Mini-E-course<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0See\u00a0Core Concept: Conflict Resolution<\/font><\/a><\/strong>\u00a0to find a complete mini-course on Interpersonal Focusing and Conflict Resolution, including Rosenberg\u2019s Non-Violent Communication, Blanchard\u2019s \u201cOne Minute Apology,\u201d Patricia Evan\u2019s books on Verbally Abuse and Controlling Relationships, McMahon\u2019s Beyond The Myth Of Dominance, <\/em>and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n

See Core Concept: Intimate Relationship<\/font><\/a> to find a complete mini-course on increasing intimacy and sexuality, including the \u201cSharing Your Day\u201d exercise, Listening\/Focusing Partnerships for The Way of Relationship, untangling and equalizing desire, tantric sexuality, and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Download complete Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual, in <\/strong>English<\/strong><\/font><\/a> and <\/strong>Spanish<\/strong><\/font><\/a>, from CEF Website, or download from links at top of this blog.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Find links to <\/strong>free articles, personality tests, multi-media\u00a0Self-Help training, Classes and workshops<\/strong><\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

Dr. Kathy McGuire<\/font><\/a>, Director<\/p>\n

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

www.cefocusing.com<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Free Downloads: Complete Focusing Instructions Manual (17 pages) Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual \u201cAjas\u201d Instantaneos Mini-Manual This month: From Instant “Ahah!” Mini-Manual, p. 7, #2.Active Listening: Short-Circuiting An Angry Confrontation. Radical Idea: Greet Anger With Empathy!!!! As I’ve gone through the week, I’ve realized how radical this idea and how worth saying again: “An angry person is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,13],"tags":[103,490,481,480,741,482,83,137,51,81,89,52,744,747,479,745,85,756],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=169"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}