{"id":140,"date":"2008-07-08T23:15:10","date_gmt":"2008-07-09T03:15:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=140"},"modified":"2008-07-08T23:15:10","modified_gmt":"2008-07-09T03:15:10","slug":"interest-area-positive-parenting-listening-to-your-child-your-partner-and-your-self","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/interest-area-positive-parenting-listening-to-your-child-your-partner-and-your-self\/","title":{"rendered":"INTEREST AREA: POSITIVE PARENTING &#8212; LISTENING TO YOUR CHILD, YOUR PARTNER, AND YOUR SELF"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Interest Areas: Positive Parenting Initiative &#8211; First Ten Steps<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Core Concepts <\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>In order to raise children for today&#8217;s world, parents must &#8220;mentor&#8221; their children for independent and flexible problem solving and decision making. Children need guides, mentors : Yoda of Star Wars, not authoritarian police man.<\/li>\n<li>Children have natural access to the &#8220;intuitive sensing&#8221; central to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a1.php\" title=\"intuitive Focusing Instructions\">Intuitive Focusing<\/a>. This inner guide leads to independent decision making, having a &#8220;conscience,&#8221; and having a satisfying life which fulfills one&#8217;s unique &#8220;blueprint,&#8221; specific talents and aspirations. Positive Parenting helps children maintain and develop this &#8220;inner guide.&#8221; Using <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a2.php\" title=\"Focused Listening Instructions\">Focused Listening<\/a>, parents learn to help children find their own solutions to problems.<\/li>\n<li>Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse are the enemy of developing this inner sensing, this conscience and guide for independent decision making. They exactly teach children to dissociate from their bodies, from their &#8220;felt experiencing&#8221; or &#8220;intuitive feel.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Educating parents for child rearing is not enough; parents must heal their own &#8220;Inner Children&#8221; before they can radically alter their behavior toward their children. The <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a3.php\" title=\"PRISMS\/S Problem Solving Process at CEF website\">PRISMS\/S Problem Solving Process<\/a>, with Core Skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening, is needed for change at the level of Paradigms, cognitive\/ emotional\/behavioral &#8220;schemata&#8221; that determine behavior, emotions, and thinking. The kaleidoscope has to turn!<\/li>\n<li>Parents can learn to use Focused Listening and Intuitive Focusing in their own relationship. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a4.php\" title=\"Creative Edge Pyramid defined at CEF website\">The Creative Edge Pyramid<\/a> includes applications of PRISMS\/S at many levels. Parents can help each other with Inner Child healing through Focusing Partnership turns. They can also use Interpersonal Focusing to resolve conflicts between themselves in terms of parenting styles.<\/li>\n<li>Parenting support groups are absolutely essential. Parents sharing with other parents can help them weather crises in their marriages or single parenthood. The essence of support groups is (a) you are not alone. You are not the only one experiencing these things (b) you are all experts. Using the resources among you, you can solve problems, move mountains. Focusing Groups and Focusing Communities provide self-help, peer counseling models for support groups.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Four Applications of Listening\/Focusing to Parenting<br \/>\n<\/strong><br \/>\nThe Core Skills of Intuitive Focusing and Focused Listening can be applied to parenting in four different ways, two primarily for your children, and two primarily for yourselves as parents. I call this Inner\/Outer Parenting:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Directly with your children:<\/strong><br \/>\nYou can teach your child to use Intuitive Focusing for personal growth, creativity, and problem-solving<br \/>\nYou can use Focused Listening skills as a way of responding to your child which avoids argument and leads to deeper communication, understanding, and problem-solving<\/p>\n<p><strong>Directly with yourself and your parenting partner :<\/strong><br \/>\nYou, and your parenting partner, can use Focusing and Focusing Partnership turns to discover patterns from your own childhoods that are clouding clear seeing of your own children<br \/>\nYou and your parenting partner can use Interpersonal Focusing turns to resolve issues causing conflict between you in terms of parenting styles.<\/p>\n<p>Basic to the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a11.php\" title=\"Core Creativity Philosophy at CEF Website\">Core Creativity<\/a> <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/howwework\/4g2.php\" title=\"Cultura de Creatividad at CEF Website\">Cultura de Creatividad<\/a> philosophy is the belief that every person has a unique, inborn blueprint ready to unfold, if the proper facilitative environment is provided (Carl Rogers, <em>On Becoming A Person<\/em>). Parents are needed to be mentors, facilitators, guides to this unfolding, rather than authoritarian policemen.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Building Self-Esteem Avoids Narcissism<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Parents are mirrors for their children. Positive attention creates true self-esteem. Lack of attention, or negative attention, creates the wound of narcissism, the emptiness that looks like &#8220;self&#8221;-involvement. Narcissists want all the attention for themselves now &#8211; because they did not receive it in childhood <a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1d1.php\" title=\"Article \">MORE (Article &#8220;Parents Must Be Mirrors For Their Children&#8221;)<br \/>\n<\/a><br \/>\n<strong>Setting Limits While Allowing Choices<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Children raised by authoritarian parents demanding obedience do not build confidence in their own capacity to make decisions. But children raised without any limits and boundaries also do not develop the capacity to make decisions. Parents must establish clear limits while allowing choices within those limits. <a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1d2.php\" title=\"Article \">MORE (Article &#8220;Setting Limits While Allowing Choices&#8221;)<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Inner\/Outer Parenting: Listening to Your Child, Your Partner, and Yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Everyone has a wounded child inside. You are not going to be able to change your behavior toward your children or partner, to do things differently than your own parents did, unless you heal the wounds of your own Inner Child. Using the Focusing , Focusing Partnership, and Interpersonal Focusing methods of the Creative Edge Focusing Pyramid provides self-help measures for understanding your child, your partners, and your own Inner Child <a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1d3.php\" title=\"Inner\/Outer Parenting Article at CEF website\">MORE (Article &#8220;Positive Parenting: Listening To Your Child, Your Partner, and Yourself&#8221;) <\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1d.php\" title=\"Ten First Steps for Positive Parenting at CEF website\">Ten Ways of Bringing Creative Edge Focusing <sup>TM<\/sup> into Parenting <\/a>\u00a0\u00a0 Click the link to go to Interest Area: Positive Parenting at CEF website. Scroll down to the bottom to find the Ten First Steps for Bringing Listening\/Focusing\u00a0 Into Positive Parenting.<\/p>\n<p>Also visit <a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/isthisyou\/3a1c.php\" title=\"Interest Area: Creative Edge Education at CEF Website\">Interest Area: Creative Edge Education (especially for ADHD)<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Tell me what you think at <a href=\"mailto:cefocusing@gmail.com\"><font color=\"#0066cc\">cefocusing@gmail.com<\/font><\/a> or comment on this blog below\u00a0!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/subscribe.php\" title=\"Subscribe to e-newsletter at website\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\">Click here to subscribe to our Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d e-newsletter and get the latest exercises first!!!<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=138\" title=\"Free Intuitive Focusing e-Mini-Course\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\">Click here for a free Intuitive Focusing Mini-E-course<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<strong>See\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a9.php\" title=\"Conflict Resolution Mini-Course on website\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\">Core Concept: Conflict Resolution<\/font><\/a><\/strong><strong>\u00a0to find a complete mini-course on Interpersonal Focusing and Conflict Resolution, including Rosenberg\u2019s Non-Violent Communication, Blanchard\u2019s \u201cOne Minute Apology,\u201d Patricia Evan\u2019s books on Verbally Abuse and Controlling Relationships, McMahon\u2019s <em>Beyond The Myth Of Dominance, <\/em>and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>See <a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/coreconcepts\/1a10.php\" title=\"Intimate Relationship Mini-Course at CEF website\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\">Core Concept: Intimate Relationship<\/font><\/a> to find a complete mini-course on increasing intimacy and sexuality, including the \u201cSharing Your Day\u201d exercise, Listening\/Focusing Partnerships for The Way of Relationship, untangling and equalizing desire, tantric sexuality, and much more.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt\"><strong>Download complete Instant \u201cAhah!\u201d Mini-Manual, in <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/freedownloads\/InstantAhahMin%20Manual.pdf\" title=\"Instant Ahah! Mini Manual, English\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\"><strong>English<\/strong><\/font><\/a><strong> and <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/cefocusing.com\/pdf\/Mini_Manual_Ajas_Instantaneos.pdf\" title=\"Mini-Manual Ajas Instantaneos pdf\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\"><strong>Spanish<\/strong><\/font><\/a><strong>, from CEF Website<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Find links to <\/strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=79\" title=\"Links to Resources\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\"><strong>free articles, personality tests, multi-media\u00a0Self-Help training, Classes and workshops<\/strong><\/font><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/about\/index.php#kathy\" title=\"Dr. Kathy McGuire, Director\"><font color=\"#0066cc\">Dr. Kathy McGuire<\/font><\/a>, Director<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/about\/index.php\" title=\"About Creative Edge Focusing (TM)\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\">Creative Edge Focusing (TM)<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/\"><font color=\"#b85b5a\">www.cefocusing.com<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Interest Areas: Positive Parenting Initiative &#8211; First Ten Steps Core Concepts In order to raise children for today&#8217;s world, parents must &#8220;mentor&#8221; their children for independent and flexible problem solving and decision making. Children need guides, mentors : Yoda of Star Wars, not authoritarian police man. Children have natural access to the &#8220;intuitive sensing&#8221; central [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[104,741,83,160,163,448,156,155,758,157],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=140"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/140\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=140"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=140"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=140"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}