{"id":103,"date":"2008-03-14T14:54:39","date_gmt":"2008-03-14T18:54:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/?p=103"},"modified":"2008-03-14T14:54:39","modified_gmt":"2008-03-14T18:54:39","slug":"interpersonal-focusing-the-myth-of-dominance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/interpersonal-focusing-the-myth-of-dominance\/","title":{"rendered":"INTERPERSONAL FOCUSING: THE MYTH OF DOMINANCE"},"content":{"rendered":"

Replacing The Myth of Dominance With The\u00a0 Personal Power of Focusing
\n<\/strong>\u00a0
\nIn his book, Beyond The Myth Of Dominance: An Alternative To A Violent Society<\/em>, Father Ed McMahon, co-founder of the Biospiritual Focusing approach, makes the same point as Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication: our greatest power in trying to persuade another is, not coercion, but personal power: sharing from our own inner experiencing.
\n\u00a0
\nMcMahon makes the additional point that “personal power” comes from becoming congruent with our own inner Selves. We have to know our own Selves thoroughly in order to communicate honestly with the other and to take responsibility for moral action.
\n\u00a0
\nTrying To Dominate Ourselves, Our Familiars, Our Global Neighbors
\n<\/strong>\u00a0
\nMcMahon questions the idea of dominance when applied at all levels:
\n\u00a0
\nIntrapsychically, we try to dominate our own inner selves, telling ourselves what we should feel, instead of turning a Caring Feeling Presence toward all the different aspects of ourselves, our conflicts, and using Focusing to let the “whole” story unfold from our body’s intuitive knowing of the whole situation, being honest with ourselves.
\n\u00a0
\nInterpersonally, we try to dominate other people by telling them what they should feel, instead of vulnerably sharing our own perspective through Intuitive Focusing and using Focused Listening to hear the perspective of another until a mutually-acceptable solution arises.
\n\u00a0
\nAs whole cultures and communities, we try to force people to conform, tell them what they should feel, invite them to “give their personal power over” to us and our institutions, instead of encouraging and facilitating “inner congruence with one’s own truth,” the root of conscience and personal power.
\n\u00a0
\nDominance Erodes The Basis Of Civilization
\n<\/strong>\u00a0
\nIn describing the rise and fall of great previous civilizations, McMahon says:
\n\u00a0
\n“However, the dark side of such a basically closed system of authority residing not in the people but in the preservation of ritual and in the absolute powers of the leader was that corruption and the abuse of people soon wormed their way into the system. Disintegration of the culture was inevitably not far behind. In all these civilizations, there was really no empowerment given to the ordinary person, and thus no lasting source for continuing growth and health in the society. When the power source became corrupt, the civilization fell to pieces” (p. vi)
\n\u00a0
\nDominance Includes Trying To “Fix” Others<\/strong>
\n\u00a0
\nAnd in describing even the attempts of “social activists” to “fix” the world by telling people what they “should” do, he quotes a feminist learning about using Focusing to turn a Caring Feeling Presence toward the inner experiencing of herself and others:
\n\u00a0
\n“I have been active in working for women’s rights for years, and I can see now what a difference it would make in our effectiveness if we were as committed to caring for and listening to our own anger and hurt as we are to this important cause. I think it would change the ‘feel’ people have when they encounter many of us, as well as our tactics in trying to bring justice and peace into the world.” (p. 92)
\n\u00a0
\nApproaching people with confrontation and antagonism and blaming makes people defensive. Dominance disempowers the other. Sharing from your own “personal power,” your own vulnerability and experience of being-you-in-the-world allows people to listen instead of arguing back. At the same time, it strengthens your own “congruence,” your own capacity to take a stand for your own point of view. And refusing to dominate strengthens the personal power of the other.
\n\u00a0
\nThe Interpersonal Focusing Protocol\u00a0
\n<\/strong>\u00a0
\nYou can read the entire Chapter Five: Interpersonal Focusing, in English and in Spanish, from my manual, Focusing in Community (Focusing en Comunidad<\/em>). Click here for a\u00a0free download through my blog<\/a>. It gives explicit instructions and examples. Also,\u00a0you can\u00a0read the Interpersonal Focusing Case Studies at www.cefocusing.com<\/a> .<\/p>\n

However, here is the simple Interpersonal Focusing Protocol as summarized in that chapter:
\nTABLE\u00a0 5.1
\n\u00a0
\nHOW\u00a0 TO\u00a0 USE INTERPERSONAL FOCUSING
\n\u00a0
\nALLOW TWO HOURS
\n\u00a0
\nFIRST STAGE:\u00a0 CLARIFICATION OF THE ISSUE
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (several five or ten minute turns)
\n\u00a0
\n(a)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Owning instead of blaming:
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “I feel —” instead of “You are —”
\n\u00a0
\n(b)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Behavioral specificity instead of
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 generalizations:
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “When you\u00a0 —” instead of “You are —”
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “When you do — , I feel —”
\n\u00a0
\nSECOND STAGE:\u00a0 GOING DEEPER
\n\u00a0\u00a0 (one or more twenty minute turns for
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 each person)
\n\u00a0
\n(a)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Use Focusing on your own hurt feeling:
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “What’s in this for me?”
\n\u00a0
\n(b)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Honestly try to discover your own
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 part in the interaction:
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Why does this bother me so much?”
\n\u00a0
\n(c)\u00a0 The other person uses Focused Listening to respond
\n\u00a0
\nAN OPTION:\u00a0 USING A THIRD PERSON AS A LISTENING FACILITATOR
\nThe Third Person uses Focused Listening to respond to each person in turn
\n\u00a0
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (a)\u00a0 Allows for the expression of angry
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 feelings in a protected way
\n\u00a0
\n(c)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Protects against issues of distortion
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And mutual distrust<\/p>\n

Find links to free articles, personality tests, multi-media\u00a0Self-Help training, Classes and workshops<\/font><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Dr. Kathy McGuire<\/font><\/a>, Director<\/p>\n

Creative Edge Focusing (TM)<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

www.cefocusing.com<\/font><\/a><\/p>\n

The site of new insights and creative solutions is at the edge of what is already known. This edge, The Creative Edge, holds implicit within it all past and future knowing about the problem, more than could ever be put into words in a linear way\u00a0
\n\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Replacing The Myth of Dominance With The\u00a0 Personal Power of Focusing \u00a0 In his book, Beyond The Myth Of Dominance: An Alternative To A Violent Society, Father Ed McMahon, co-founder of the Biospiritual Focusing approach, makes the same point as Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication: our greatest power in trying to persuade another is, not coercion, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,112,11],"tags":[238,234,741,235,57,160,221,224,96,222,744,225,226,223,236],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=103"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/103\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cefocusing.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}